Iridescence

the darker side.

It hurts.
Every time I feel it coming,
bottling up inside of me,
trying to get through the cracks and opens of my eyes, ears and mouth,
It hurts so much.
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At the beginning of the day, my body tells me to get up at 4 am. Even though class isn't until 8 am, the worst half of my mind says that sleep is just a distraction. I try to get up and put clothes on my body without disturbing my roommate, for her sleep, she claims, is more precious than mine.

I brush my teeth at a slow pace, the other half of my mind trying to stimulate my senses that, yes, we're getting up now. I look at myself in the mirror and see a somewhat distorted person looking back at me. Her eyes have dark circles underneath them, her eye color slightly dimmer than usual. The base of her lips cracked like paint on a wall and her face pale enough to make you believe she was sick.

"An unsettling face to the public. Fantastic." Shutting off the lights, I walk out into the bathroom towards my drawers when I feel an impulse.

Oh god. Please no, not right now.

I ball my fists and begin to twitch a little. I really have the urge to whimper like a puppy would. As much as I would like to relieve myself from this urge, it is 4:15 am and I haven't left the dorm yet.

Please just let me get my clothes and my things.

But, of course my mind did not want to comply. Without warning, a loud whimper escaped from my mouth. My hand goes over my mouth immediately after my outburst as my roommate stirs in her bed.

If she wakes up, I'll be a goner.

Thankfully, she stretches her body and breathes out softly, indicating that she is still fast asleep. "Thank god." I mumble quietly under my breath. Quickly putting on a pair of Hollister sweatpants and a baggy shirt with the words "I'm not but, I'm hanging" written across the top, I grabbed my keys and my duffel bag, snapping my head to the side five times before unlocking the door quietly and escaping from the dorm.

It was quiet in the courtyard, a light breeze blowing, making the air comfortable. It was the beginning of fall and it hasn't really gotten very cold yet. I like walking around this early in the morning when there isn't that many people walking around, staring at me with judging eyes.

I made my way to the only place that I could call a safe zone, the abandoned warehouse, otherwise known as the art room, on the far left side of campus.

The room was enormous when you first walk in, spacious enough to be a storage building  or factory. It was the perfect space to draw and paint since nobody really uses it accept for a couple hours a day.

Except for today.

When I walked pulled open the doors to the where house, I quickly snapped my head five times before entering all the way inside the room. As soon as I looked up, my eyes immediately another pair of eyes on the other side of the room. I couldn't really make out the person's face that well since whoever it was was sitting in the middle of the room.

"Who are you?" The person spoke in a somewhat comforting and gentle voice that made my heart stop. Nobody was supposed to be here during this hour. So why is this person here?

"W-Who are you?" I began to shake as I spoke, getting more nervous as the person stood from the chair they were previously sitting in and making their way over to me.

"I asked you first." The tone of the person's voice sounded like a man, which made me panic even more. I don't really get along well with guys really ever. And now this guy comes along, forcing me to talk to him. Too scared to say anything, I don't answer him. He continues to stride over to me slowly, soon the light coming from the window hits his face, allowing me to see what he looks like.

He's..... He's a student.

As awkward as it may seem, I found myself staring at his face, making out every detail on it. His face was smooth and acne-free, a small dark freckle down near the bottom corner of his mouth, his bangs stopping right over his eyebrows. His hair was almost a middle zone between being dirty blonde and light brown, whereas his eyes were a beautiful hazel color.

He must have noticed my state as he smiles softly before waving his hand in front of my face, causing me to blink and step back. I shook my hand out for a mere ten seconds before he spoke up. "So who are you? I don't think I've ever seen you before." He slid his hands into his pockets, bouncing lightly on his heels, waiting for me to respond to his question. I went to open my mouth but nothing audible came out except for a long and anticipated whimper. I covered my mouth and watched as he stared at me and blinked a little at hearing my whimper. Humiliated, I opened the door and dashed out as fast as I could out.

"Wait, come back! You never told me who you were!" I heard the boy scream faintly from the warehouse door. My eyes welded up with tears as I ran back to the dorms, the only other safe haven that I had left. I just whimpered in front of a stranger. Now he's probably going to think I'm a freak.

The boy leaned against the door and watched as I ran away, sighing softly before mumbling lighting to himself, "I've never seen someone like her before. And now I'm interested."

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They say that the only danger in fear is fear itself.
Knowing that, you have to take on your fears and control them before they have their way with you.