I'm the type of girl who doesn't have the guts to face the crowd.. I hate being in front of many people... I hate being teased but deep down inside, it tickles me.. Why? Because for me, it means they noticed me even how simple I am... When you see me, I'm just an ordinary girl, there's nothing special about me... I'm not pretty nor sexy in other words I'm not perfect, that's why I always strive harder just to please everyone but unfortunately, no matter what I do I can never please you all. It hurts but that's reality --- only few people will appreciate me for who and for what I am..
I'm the type of girl who has so much to say but doesn't have the confidence to say those words... I'm the type of girl who's dying to express my real emotion but I'm afraid to be judged by others. We may say, "who cares?!" We don't care, they don't care, and you don't care either but I don't think so coz as human as we are, we care what people say and I'm one of those people who care so much about what other people say. I let them stop me from doing the things that will make me happy.
I'm the type of person who doesn't have the strenght to say how much I love my loved ones, my friends especially my family despite knowing the fact that I don't have forever. I don't even know when and where my story will end for I don't own my life. I hope that even if I don't normally say it, I hope they would still feel how much I really love them. I hope that when my time comes, they can read this or one of my notes that they're always part of my prayers even if for them I'm not a good friend, daughter nor a good sister... I can't blame them for what they believe in for I know my flaws. I may get mad most of the time or say unsparing words but deep inside I really love them.. I can't even afford losing them. I'd rather leave than being left. I hope that one day, I will have that so called guts to let them know how thankful I am, having them as my family.. :) and I thank God for that.
I am also the type of person who owe too much from God, I mean everything that I have right now and I will have in the future. My life is an upside down experience, it's like a roller coaster. God let me fall, stumble, and cry but he never fails to let me learn something new about life... He never fails to show how much He cares and how much He loves me.. He never fails to listen to my prayers. Life may be playful, we may lose some of the game rounds but trying and doing our best as much as we can is something to be proud of because atleast we did something right.
I'm also one of those typical girls who is afraid but excited to meet love. A girl who wants to meet someone who will love her not at her best but at her worst --- that's one of the things I've learned from love. I haven't tried having a serious relationship but I've tried falling to someone many times and we call it admiration.. Just like other girls I also have my standard but most of the time when I fall, it's the other way around.. It takes time for someone to make me fall in love for it also takes time for me to fall out of love... I've tried falling for someone and it took me a million years just to move on. I've tried how it feels like taken for granted by someone I care about. It broke my heart but it didn't stop me from falling again.. I'm the type of person who's having a hard time differentiating admiration and love. Every time I have a crush on someone for me it's already love... Sometimes, I ask myself, who do I like this guy?! Maybe he has the qualities that I am looking for or something that I like or something that I find special about him... And I just realized that everytime I like someone, they tend to always break my heart. I know that it's not their fault and I know that it's not their intention... I know there's nothing wrong with them...Maybe I'm the one who's wrong because when I like someone, I tend to always give my all. I let them be my world. I let them hurt me by giving them the chance to do so. It's like, I always end up begging for attention and most of all their love that's why I always end up hurting my own self...
I am a certified hopeless romantic, I love listening to music especially those type of music that will put me into tears. I love those "hugot" quotes. I love writing for it's my way of expressing those words that must have been said and those feelings that that must have been expressed... I love watching or reading heartbreaking stories for I know that I'll learn something new and I know that I might also experience it in the future... I'm the type of girl who loves the idea of falling in love but scared at the same time because of so many things. I'm scared to be hurt, I'm scared to be rejected, I'm scared to be just a rebound, and most of all, I'm scared to get fail both in life and in love...I'm the type of person who has lots of what ifs in life... Sometimes, people misunderstood me because of that; because for them I always complicate things. I always assume and I'm always ahead of everything which suppose to be not... I reject those people who's willing to love me at the same time let others (those people I like) reject me. To be honest, YES!!!! it's hurts me a lot.. That's why I'm trying my best to learn my lesson... :(
Learning:
Falling in love is never an easy thing but one thing that I am assure of, we can learn so much from it.
