An Epic Love Story, With A Tragic Ending

Falling in Love with You

Five years. That's five years of being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. I can feel the ache in my chest as I stare at the white walls of my hotel room, the ache that has become all too familiar. Louis was going to be a dad and selfishly, all I can do is feel sorry for myself. Despite my better judgement I pull out my notebook and flip through its tattered pages. The first page has scribbles of "oops!" and "hi" and little things that remind me of the day Louis and I met. I find myself going back to that day, I was in the toilets before my audition, washing my hands. I turned around swiftly to grab a paper towel, slamming into someone. I quickly recover muttering "oops!" to myself and then my eyes meet a pair of cloudy blue ones. "Hi," the voice that matched the eyes says with a slight giggle. At the time I had no idea that those eyes and that voice would become so important to me. Love at first sight? No, but I knew in my chest that Louis Tomlinson would be a huge part of my life. I never would have anticipated the laughs, cries, hugs, kisses, pain and confusion though. Running into this boy would be just the beginning of what I'd like to call an epic love story, without the happy ending.

I run my thumb over his signature. I had asked him to sign my notebook because I knew he'd be famous one day. But never had I thought that we would get famous together, along with three other boys. During almost the entire xfactor season Louis and I had this built up romantic tension. I had never really thought I was gay before, but growing up I did struggle with my sexuality. I had a boyfriend in secondary school at one point, but he broke up with me because his parents found out. I just remember with Louis, it was different. It didn't feel abnormal, it just felt right. I flip through the next couple of pages and stop at the page that has the words, "Well now you know..." written on it in Louis' hand writing. I smile at that, remembering that day like it was yesterday.

The first time I kissed Louis Tomlinson it was not awkward, but it was not perfect. Sweaty palms and my racing heart. But Louis always had this calming, laid back way about him. I always felt safe, and he always reassured me that I was okay. I had been sleeping over at his place and we were wresting and just messing around as usual, but suddenly the mood changed. He was pinning my hands to the floor when our eyes met, slowly the smile faded off my face. I was breathing heavily and so was he from all the laughter. My mind was moving a million paces a minute and I just blurted, "Have you ever kissed a boy?" Louis kind of smirked and admitted, "No." I frowned a little as my cheeks burned. That's when he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, it was all happening so fast it took me a minute to even register that there were lips moving against mine. Once it did register, I closed my eyes and moved my lips in sync with his, they were warm and soft. My heart was still racing but suddenly I didn't care, I just wanted this moment. After what felt like an eternity but also not near long enough, he pulled away. I felt my neck crane to keep our lips together, but failed. He smiled at me and kind of started to laugh, I couldn't figure out why. But seeing the smile on his face brought one to mine so I let a shy smile cover my face. He looked at me, still laughing, and cupped my face pulling me into a quick kiss and continued to laugh. I just shook my head, smiling, wondering if it was me he was laughing at.

Finally Louis cleared his throat and said, "I never knew what it would be like to kiss a boy." He was suddenly vulnerable, I kind of smiled to myself, "Well now you know..." He gave me the brightest smile. Later that night we were in his room and I took out my over night bag to get out my pajamas. When I pulled out my flannel pants, my notebook came out too. Louis quickly picked it up and before I could protest he was flipping through the pages. I had only used three pages, the first dedicated to him. The second had things about him but also things about the xfactor. The third was dedicated to the day our band was created. Which wasn't but a week ago and it all still felt surreal. Louis smiled softly at the first page and then flipped to the fourth blank page. He grabbed a pen off his dresser and wrote something, then closed it and laid it on his desk. I opened my mouth to say something but he just shook his head so I let it go. When Louis had fallen asleep, I looked over at him and found myself smiling. Just seeing him lay next to me, his chest slowly rising and falling, it made me happier than it should have. I quietly got up and tip toed over to my notebook, I opened it and in Louis' not so neat hand writing was, "well now you know..."