Fixing Up Valerie

Old Habits Come Back- 15

I sit up and try to catch my breath and vision. I'm breathing heavily and try to replay what just occurred.
A dream. No not a dream, dreams are sweet and lovely--this isn't. Although it wasn't exactly a nightmare. It was just a memory. The most horrible and last memory of my family.

All the memories came flooding in, my parents and Abel-- All the good and bad ones. This hasn't happened since the day before school but I guess old habits don't exactly disappear in thin air. So here I am again, in the bathtub filling it up with nothing but cold water. All the pain and misery was coming back but many times worse, I remembered exactly everything that had occurred that night.
I never told them I loved them and they'll never know.
Once the tub was filled I stopped the water and sat down and just thought about everything.

After every night that Abel had left me alone I would call him, he never answered them. I knew he saw that I was calling because after the third tone it would take me straight to voicemail.
My heart felt like it was literally ripping apart-- and just having these memories again was making me feel sick to the bones.
I looked around the tub and saw that devilish soap bar. I picked it up and there it was, right where I left it last time. I picked up the flat piece of metal and as it entered my skin I felt instant relief. All that emotional pain washed away and it was all fine until it came back to me, Caleb.

I didn't exactly promise him I was going to stop but he wanted me to get better. This, what I was doing to myself, wasn't making me better. Just worse, a lot worse.

I got out and dried myself off and quickly ran to the house phone and dialed the number.
A few seconds later the phone stops ringing and I hear a voice groaning mixed with a grumbled "hello?"

It was my cue to finally speak and I just searched for the right words to say but simply said, "hey, I uh I really need someone right now."
Indeed I sounded desperate but it was the truth, someone need to be present and help me before my insanity took the best of myself, and Caleb was the only person I could think of right now.
"I'm on my way, don't do anything."

5 minutes later
It finally hit me that Caleb was coming over in a few minutes and my body was wrapped with only a towel, which wouldn't be the most comfortable encounter. I rummaged through my drawers and picked out the first pair of clothes my eyes laid onto not really caring if it matched or not. Since my hair was still wet I grabbed a dry towel and rolled it till my hair was embraced inside it. After a few minutes the doorbell rang and I have never expected myself to run so fast in my life just to open a door.
I'm guessing Caleb didn't expect me to get to the door Olympic fast and jumped a little when I swung it open and got into his embrace.

"I'm sorry."
Caleb didn't seem to understand what o had meant by that, but I felt so bad about everything.
"I'm sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night. I'm sorry that you had to get up and walk over to my house, but I'm extremely sorry that I couldn't handle it myself." I told him everything with full on honestly, more honest than Abe.
I felt him shake his head and rubbed my back gently, "come on, let's go inside its pretty cold out here."
I just nodded and let go of him, already missing his touch.

I lead Caleb to the living room and we sat down on the couch, both of us on opposite sides of it. He turns to me and leans in, "want to tell me what this is about Valerie?"
I nod my head but I don't exactly quite know where to begin with all of this. But since my head doesn't like to wait for my conscience to think about it, I put my wrists right in front of his sight and he just stares.

Caleb's pov
One. One red mark on each wrist. Anyone that barely even has a brain could tell these were fresh.
Just when the old cuts were fading away she had made new ones.
She's not one to do it daily, this only happened when it got really bad, and apparently tonight it got tough for her.
My hopes dropped, but what was I supposed to think that it would get better automatically?
Since Valerie only put her hands out, it was hard to comprehend if she just didn't want to discuss about it.

"Uh Caleb,?"
I didn't even notice that I'd been staring at her hands for a long time.
I felt so embarrassed but when I looked back at Valerie it seemed like she was mirroring my actions as well and turned into a tomato.

"So do you want to talk about what happened today? Was it a bad dream.?"
Valerie didn't answer me, she just brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around.
"They told me that dreams can come true, but they seemed to forget to mention that nightmares are even realer."

The sound of her voice doesn't show any emotion, at all. It's exactly just like any robot that talks, and it broke my heart of how she felt.

I didn't need to ask her if she needed me to help. I wrapped my arms around her and held her as she tried relaxing under my touch. You could easily tell that hugs helped Valerie a whole lot.
It was all silent, a very comfortable silence and I thought she had fallen asleep until I heard her talk.

"Can I trust you, that you won't tell anyone about this?" She simply asked me and looked up to see my reply.
"I promise that I won't tell anyone unless you want me to. You can trust me Valerie, I'm not telling a single soul." And with that I brought my forefinger and brought it my heart and made an x. She just did a little giggle and began to play with her fingers.

"Okay, so for you to understand this whole entire mess, I have to tell you from the very start."
I nodded and waited for her to continue, "so it was 1 something in the morning when I woke up to see my brother getting ready, he was asking me to do the same. . . ."