It was way back January 2014 nung una kitang nakita.
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Pumasok kami ng friend ko sa isang bar at bumili ng yosi. Yes, I smoke.
Nasa kalagitnaan kami ng kwentuhan ng friend ko ng pumasok kayo ng friend mo. I remember you were wearing maroon long sleeves, black pants na tattered at simpleng doll shoes na black. I also remembered that you were so uneased, based sa mukha mo. Para kang natatae na gustong umuwi.
And I find that cute. Parang first time mong pumasok sa bar. Then umupo kayo sa pinakadulo ng friend mo. Your friend went to the counter, to order, habang ikaw nililibot mo yung tingin mo, trying to familiarize yourself, I think.
Kinabukasan, I saw you sa tapat ng school namin, may hinihintay ka ata. So, I decided na banggain ka at ihulog ang books na hawak mo. Then, I asked for your name, you answered, "Jashielle", and likewise nagpakilala din ako, I said, "Kevin."
Tapos nun, lagi-lagi na kitang nakikita sa tapat ng school. Time passed by, naging textmates tayo. March, I decided na ligawan ka. Dahil, the first time I saw you entering the bar, I got my eyes stucked on you.
Then, one time you saw me smoking and said, "Tigilan mo na yan, ayoko ng boys na nags-smoke." So, tinigilan ko talaga kasi ayaw mo and I was afraid that if I'll continue this habit, you'll leave me. I always have candies in my pocket, para everytime na nate-tempt akong magyosi, magc-candy na lang ako.
Then, November 2014, My friend told me, "Bro, I saw Jash (your nickname). May naka-akbay sa kanyang lalaki." But I just answered, "Bro, malabo na mata mo. Pagawa ka na ng salamin."
January 2015
Napansin kong hindi ka na katulad ng dati. Hindi ka na yung Jashielle na madaldal at malambing. Kinabahan na ako nun, at naisip na baka tama si Ren, na baka may iba ka. Pero, pinilit kong isipin na baka busy ka lang sa school niyo, na baka may problema ka.
February 18, 2015
Napadaan ako sa Don Henrico's, and I saw you. I fucking saw you. May katapat kang lalaki at magkahawak yung kamay niyo nun. Inisip ko na lang na kapatid mo yun.
March 2015
I went to visit you sa bahay niyo. I knocked pero walang nagbubukas. I decided na sumilip sa bintana niyo. And fuck, I saw you pressing your lips with the man you were with at Don Henrico's.
Umuwi ako at nilulong ang sarili ko sa yosi.
Up until now, I still can't move on. Araw-araw akong nagyoyosi. Siguro sa isang araw nakaka-isa or dalawang pack ako ng yosi.
And while writing this story, I thought, "Maybe this is the time to quit my bad habit, and it's you."
