The thought of being rejected is somewhat prevalent in my mind apparently. Constantly having thoughts of betrayal, suspicious of all those around me. How often do they lie, hiding themselves behind pretentious smiles? How many of them are true? I guess I found out the hard way.
That night the air seemed so still as the night was colder than usual. Never did I imagine that this would happen, or maybe I did because it seemed so familiar. An overwhelming sense of déjà vu as this moment time had come before as I stood there in the place of meeting. They all stood against me, everyone putting me down, expressing their anger towards me. I admit that I made a mistake, but I never thought it would go so far. To think of it now, it may have been stupid of me. And yes. I knew the consequences but, I was curious, to see how it would all go down, or maybe, I just didn’t care what anyone thought, except for her. Her name is Santana, and she was my best friend, also, she was the most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes on. Her eyes where beautifully deep and brown in color, she had dark smooth skin, tall black and silky hair and the most gorgeous lips like strawberries. I could honestly say I was in love with her, I was almost sure she felt the same about me. Not that I was brave enough to tell her how I felt, but I didn’t hide it either.
Even now I can remember clearly hearing her saying these words, “I don't love you, nobody does” as she rolled her eyes in disgust, turning her face away from me. “I would never be with you,” she said softly, tears running down her face.
Then he came up and said “hush, don’t worry, just cry and get it over with. Nobody likes you, you’re just a fool, living in an imaginary world. You need to grow up.”
Such arrogance,” I thought to myself, who was ‘he’ to say something like that, and in that instance, without looking up, I could feel the eyes piercing through me and I could almost hear their thoughts 'screaming for me to breakdown in tears' and longing to see my pain. Isn’t like a human, longing to see the suffering of others? Unusually I found myself completely amused, to the point where I began to laugh and silence swallowed my surroundings. Maybe I was being stressed to the point of madness, but my thoughts were never clearer. I could hear them whispering amongst themselves.
“Tay, are you crazy? Stop this foolishness.” Said my mother, her name is Tanash.
But her words fell on deaf ears. I had one goal that night and I didn’t care for the thoughts of those around me. I saw my target and made my move.
I looked at her, and walked on as to make my exit, completely oblivious to the door to my left as I moved closer toward her.
“If you're thinking that I am going to walk around you, you are sadly mistaken.” I said.
She rolled her eyes and said “Well you are sadly mistaken if you think that I am going to move.”
I don’t know what it is about her, allowing her to grip me in such a way, to have me so charmed. “Maybe it’s just that defiant attitude that she has towards me,” I thought to myself as I seem to lose myself in her eyes, drawing ever closer until we inevitably became lip locked. That one moment, that one moment of forbidden bliss, locked in the passion of a stolen kiss, ended in the most predictable manner as her hand connected loudly with my face, and the sound echoing through the hall. I'm not sure what hurt more, whether sting of her right hand connecting to my face, or my pride, if any was still remaining.
“To think, I thought this through so many times, I know what your reaction would be. Why did I walk into it still?” I said aloud.
“It is because you are an idiot Tay. Did you not hear what I said earlier?” she asked
“Why not be with me?” I said, ignoring her words.”We could leave this all behind and run away together.”
For some reason I lead myself to believe that she was letting those surrounding us influence her thoughts. That she was afraid to say how she truly felt. Could it have been the look on her face as she sought to catch the sight of everything that was not the person standing before her. “Maybe she loves me and is afraid to admit her feelings,” I thought to myself, “or maybe she just can’t stand to look at the pathetic sight that I was before her.” These thoughts and more went through my mind and I sought an answer from her.
”Please respond” I petitioned. But before I could get a reply someone else grabbed my attention as in a seeming fit of anger, her hand thrashed across my cheek.
When I turned my head to see, it was my friend Alia. She looked at me, silent; eyes filled with tears. She began to speak, but there was no sound emanating from her mouth, I watch as a tear rolling on her cheek slowed to a halt and her lips froze, the voices around me a faded to nothing as everyone around us seem to stand as mannequins motionless and empty.
”What did you do?!” she asked, as if I had a clue what was going on.
“Was this not your will? That we have a moment to ourselves?”I responded. “Was this not your desire?”
”Yea, I guess” she said in sadness.
“Now we can talk” I said, not even stopping to think of what had just happened to us.” I think…..
“Look, I truly do love you, but I don't think we can be together,” she said promptly. ”Not now, the timing for this is wrong. Also I doubt that you would wait on me.”
”Well you're wrong, I would wait on you. I would wait as long as it takes, for you, because you are the only one I want to love!” I said without thinking.
”Then wait,” she said. “Wait for me here, in this place, where time stands still, until I return for you.”
And without hesitation I accepted her proposal, to be with her, I would have waited thousand eternities. That was my last thought as I watched her vanish, along will all those around me, leaving me, in that moment of time, where I would wait for her return.
