I really miss the beach. I really really do. I've always loved the beach, but only when I got there and not when I haven't been there, but it's different this year. Everything's different this year. People say 7th grade is the worst year of your life, but for me it was 8th. Deffinetley 8th. Nothing went right, and everything that could go wrong did. It's been terrible. I think that's why I miss the beach so much, because when your at the beach you have no worries, your just swimming and swimming and laying on the sand with no problems. That's why I love being underwater so much, because your in your own little world and no one can bother you. I'm also scared of drowning, though, it's pretty scary and very frightening. I also love the beach because I think it is a symbolism of summer and that is what I really need right now; summer. Not really summer more like I just need to get out of school because that place really is a hell hole. It's terrible. It's the source of all my problems. I used to like school, even some years love it, because I could get away from my problems. I would have problems at home and when I went to school it was all different and better. I felt smart and happy because I had friends and had fun, but when I went home it would be constant fights and yelling, getting hurt day after day, but at school I could just escape all of that and think about something else, be somewhere else, and those seven hours were the best seven hours of my day. This summer it all changed, I became sickly addicted to the Internet because since I no longer had school I needed an escape. I started using tumblr more and would stay up until 8 o' clock in the morning. It was terrible. But there was nothing I could do about it. I could tell this year was going to suck from the first day it started. First, there was a different vibe in me, usually I'm happy, but this year I want. Then, I walked down the hallways going into my classes and seeing al the teachers I didn't want, all the people I hated in my classes. It all went so wrong. I went home that day and told my mom how much I hated it, I cried that night because I was so unhappy. I thought to myself "hey it can only get better" but boy was I wrong. It has been the worst year of my life. So many days I have come home from school and just cried. I cry when I come home and cry when I wake up because that place is honestly hell.This year I finally started going to church and god had never been in my life before that, except maybe when I was really really young. Sometimes I think this year has been god punishing me for not going to church all these years. I would have thought he would have praised me, but that's really not what has been happening. It's kind of a stupid thought but I don't care because its what I believe. Why else would this year have been so sucky. fact that some people have killed themselves, and some have seriously considered suicide, because they would rather die then go to school should probably say something about that. I'm not going to say I'm one of those people, because I'm not, but I can admit that I hate school more then anything. It's hell. Absolutely terrible. And I honestly hope it gets better next year with a new school and everything. Now, because I can't turn to school as an escape I again use the Internet and ignore my homework because it is a constant reminder of the shit hole that is school. I don't even open my backpack when I get home from school, let alone look in it, because the thought of it makes me sick I just hate it that much. Thank god it is almost over, there is only a month of school left. But I honestly don't think I can handle another month of this, especially because now there are so many projects and final tests due. I got this way towards the end of last year too, it is just too much stress and too much work in ALL of my classes. I came to school late last year alot because I didn't want to be there and I would stay up late the night before trying to finish projects. It is the same thing this year except 100 times worse. I come to school late this year because I don't want to be there any longer then I have to. I'm really nervous for the last day of school because every year there's the typical end of school hugs the "I miss you" "what's your number?" "We need to hang out this summer" and it's fake as hell every year. This year I'm not going to be able to take it, I have no other friends except for the the five or six I have now and my anxiety is bad enough because im so nervous but when everyone is hugging people and I'm just there I'm going to freak out. I'm honestly scared I'm going to cry on the last day of school because I will be so happy that I am finally out of there. This started with me talking about the beach and so I guess it will have to end with me talking about the beach (I get distracted alot) but this weekend I'm going to the beach with Hannah on Sunday and I'm so excited! It's going to be the first time of the year and it better be hot so the water will be warm and I can swim!! Yay! I'm still so happy and can't wait at all I'm just going to freak out and dive into the water the second I get there. I really can't contain myself any longer. It's kind of fun because I don't really get excited for things anymore. If my plans for the beach get ruined I'll be really sad because I'm so excited and things like that happen to me alot, I always get disappointed. This year has also gone by really fast and I'm happy about that. Yay.
