28 things I could never say.
I love you.
I hate you for letting me fall in love with you, knowing you would never feel the same way.
To this day I can't watch the show Friends without wanting to kiss you or have your arms wrapped protectively around my waist while you softly kiss me head.
A bass has always been my favorite instrument but ever since I learned you played one I can't look at one with out picturing you playing it for me in your room.
I hate the word "thinging" you made up. It only gave you an excuse to lead me on and use me longer.
If you knew we would never be together, why didn't you tell me the first time I asked, or the second, hell even the 6th? Anything would have hurt less than just leaving me all alone in the dust.
Did you ever have feelings for me?
I hope you don't hurt her as much as you hurt me. She doesn't deserve that.
I tell myself I will tell you that I love you. But I know I could never say it. But every time I try to text you or write it down my body freezes and I start to question what love is and convince myself this isn't love. I erase everything thinking I'm finally over you.
The second I lock my phone the emotions come rushing back, I'm not sure I'll ever be over you, and I want you to know, but I can't say it.
I want you lying here next to me again, but I also never want to see you again because I know you won't hurt me that way.
I know if I just stop following your social media accounts, and get rid of everything that reminds me of you I could move on, but I can't.
It's 10:21 on October 19th 2015 and we met in September 2012 but I haven't stopped thinking about you once.
You never loved me did you?
I hate that I can remember the stupid little things about you like your birthday, and your teddy bear named Theo, and the way you giggle when you are nervous, or bounce your knee without ever knowing.
If I had gone to the beach with you that first night would I be writing this now?
My heart hurts knowing when I want to send you stupid little hearts and quotes about love, because I know you are just sending them to her.
I want you to miss kissing me every time you kiss her.
When I told you how much I wanted to be with you, you said you valued our friendship, so you led me on so you wouldn't hurt me. That is what hurt the most.
I'm not sure I'm strong enough to be just friends.
I love you, and you know I don't say that.
I hate that you let me fall in love.
I miss you, but I'm not sure someone can miss something they never really ever had which is what makes this so hard.
The day I saw you holding her hand and kissing her at school was the same week you told me you wanted to be single for awhile to figure yourself out.
I guess 4 days was all you needed.
I guess it only took 4 days to realize I'm what you needed to change.
I hate you.
I love you.
