this was never who i was. it's not who i am. i was the person that always prioritized perfectly. school first. family first. success first. everything else second. why am i so sad. this gives me an opportunity to be better. but the more i think about it, the more i feel my heart break. the sadness is so overwhelming. it creeps up when i least expect it and next thing i know my roommates think i'm crying over paint. i'm so tired of this. i didn't deserve this. of course i am selfish in this. if you only look at my side of the story, you would be heartbroken too. but of course he matters too. everything he did and is doing is completely acceptable. i just wish he wasn't doing it. why am i so fucking hung up over this. i am so much better and stronger. i can use this time to get my shit done. i just wanted him to be there with me every step of the way. i'm so sad. i'm always so sad. i can feel the lump in my throat again. i'm sorry man, i wish i was stronger. i am so disappointing. i am so overwhelmed. who knew i could cry this much. who knew i would let a guy actually ruin my makeup. unbelievable.
i'm trying.
