Sleep Well, Little Robin

cocoa cola

Sometimes I think about how my first word was "coke" and I don't know if it's because my grandmom and mom drank it or because I knew I'd always love soda. My grandmom would go to sleep with a can of coke, a straw gently handled in the pop tab. I remember sitting in her bed, nestled into cotton and silk, hushed under the soft glow of her reading light. We didn't talk while she did her wordsearch with japanese eyeliner pencils and I would watch M*A*S*H. I can't remember much of M*A*S*H but I remember her falling asleep and I wold always drink the rest of the coke before putting it in the trash can (even if I wasn't supposed to).

My first word was supposed to be "mom" or "dad", everyone's first word is their parent, but not me. Sometimes I think I shouldn't like soda so much because it rots out your teeth.

When I was really little, my granddad gave me my first soda - an A&W root beer - and he asked me how it was. I remember because I was sitting at the table that connected to the counters, my legs kicking under the chair because I was really small back then.

I blurted out, "That's some DAMN good root beer!" and everyone laughed at me because I was about 5 or 6.

Soda's bubbly, sharp when you first sip it and smooth when it goes down. I got used to it but sometimes it still gets stuck in your throat, the bubbles hurt then. Soda isn't always easy but I still drink more of it than anything else.

The first time I had a root beer float was at some mock 50's style diner with my dad before a movie and I was maybe 11 or 12. I didn't know vanilla could taste good at the time because I prefered chocolate but I drank it and the icecream mixed with the soda, I watched the bubbles dissipate into foamy fizz. There was this computer game we played when I was in Catholic school where you counted animated root beer bubbles before they popped. It's a lot harder with real root beer and especially with root beer floats (because of the icecream). I tried to anyways because it was in a cup and not a can. I'd never had soda that wasn't in a can before and actually, that was the first time I'd ever had a cold soda... Ever.

It's funny to think about my first word being "coke" since as a baby, even throughout childhood, I didn't really know all that much about it. Even in my adult life, I don't know all that much about soda. I think it's so funny because everyone's supposed to say "mom" or "dad" and not know much about them but still have that connection and comfort from them. I don't know a lot about soda but it connects me to a lot of moments, people and good feelings.

That's why I drink a Dr. Pepper on the day I come home. I let my salty tears wash into the straw's punch hole and sniff while taking my sips. Sometimes, I don't know if the pools atop the plastic cover are the condensation from the chill or just remnants of broken hearts that melted from my eyes like uncarbonated oceans on top of my new bubbly sanctuary. 23 blended flavours and its miles away we're connected by a drink. Like I'm swimming in a moment. I don't know when I'll see him again, but if I drink a Dr. Pepper, I can imagine he's doing it too and remember every can we've shared together- hazy, smooth, bubbly and sweet.