Silent Suicide

Chapter One.

Inhale, exhale.

I watched my twenty five year old brother Sean smoke weed for what seemed the millionth time today. Ever since he started I've begun to grow a little curious. I mean, I know what smoking does to you, but does it really pull you away from reality for while? He's been doing it since he was about thirteen. I worry about him, but it doesn't matter what I say to him, what advice I give him it never seems to stop him. It just goes threw one ear and then straight out of the other. I guess maybe some people just can't be stopped.

I stood up from the outside chair, Sean's blood shot eyes staring up at me. "Where are you going?" he questioned. "Inside." I insisted, coughing a little. With a small shrug, Sean turned himself back around gazing off into the distance continuing to inhale the smoke. I licked my lips, my eyes watching him as I slowly entered the inside of my house. The smoke that was in my lugs was now replaced with fresh, clean air. I felt clean again.

I'm not rich, but nor am I poor. I have a normal life. That's why I hate it. There's nothing special about it, I don't have a special talent, or any weird obsession, nor am I a special person. I spend most of my time alone. It doesn't really have an affect on me anymore, it doesn't bother me. I'm used to it. But on the other hand, I would rather have a group of friends. Someone to go shopping with, get ice cream with. Someone to do all those regular things a girl of my age should be doing. I have literally never had one single friend, ever. I don't blame people. I don't blame them for not wanting to start a conversation with me. I'm weird, maybe even slightly deranged?

I turned on the heels of my feet and began walking up to my room, I heard the back door swing open and my brother come rushing into the house. "Mom?!" He yelled. roaming around the house. He still had the lit blunt in his hand. The smoke engulfed my surroundings, making it's way to my nose and mouth. I scrunched up my face in disgust, coughing slightly. Shaking my head in disapproval I proceeded to my room.

I kicked my bedroom door shut behind me, looking forward at my bland room. I flick on the light before walking over to my bed, plopping myself down on the middle of my bed. My mothers voice fills my ears as she calls downstairs answering my brother. "What?!" she yelled back, I could here the faint sound of her heels clicking against the tile floor.

My mom has been single since before she had me. Apparently, my farther had left the minute he found that she was pregnant. We honestly have no idea where he is now, and we don't really care. What type of a man walks out on his pregnant girlfriend? Me and my brother have different farthers, his did the same.

"Do you have any weed?" I heard him slowly ask.

My mom sighed. "No, Sean. I don't have any of that."

Sean clicked his tongue. "Wow, mom."

"You know I don't do any of that."

"Whatever." Sean groaned

Sean had just started moving in to his new apartment, he still had a few things over here like T-shirts and things like that.

"You need to stop and get the hell out of here. You're making my house smell like smoke." she said seriously.

"I don't feel like it." I heard sean's footsteps now. I could here them still bickering between eachother, I decided to step out into the hallway so I could hear them more clearly.

"Fucking pothead." I heard my mom whisper, causing me to gasp slightly.

"You know what?" Sean threw his hands up pushing past me, heading over to his room. "Fine!" he yelled. I could hear him ripping his posters off his bedroom wall. A few seconds later he came storming out, a few T-shirts in one hand, his posters in the other. "Happy now?" he questioned loudly.

My mom was now in front of him. "Yes I am actually." she seemed pretty calm.

Since Sean was slightly high, he was blowing things out of proportion. It was obvious he was more mad than he usually would be. My eyes drifted between him and my mom and with that, he had already pushed past me and walked out the front door.

I blinked quickly, sighing softly before looking up at my mom. She had tear forming in the corners of her eyes. She shook her head, making her long curly hair bounce slightly. Her eyes started blankly at the floor, while she paced up and down the kitchen floor dropping her head into her hands.

"M-Mom?" I croaked out, only to hear her quiet sobs in return.

I thought about going over and trying to comfort her, but I thought maybe it was better to just let her be Instead. I turned around, my dark eyes landing on the weed that laid upon the top of Sean's dresser.

Walked over into his room. Or.. what used to-be his room. My eyes wouldn't leave the sight of the weed. Sean's opinions on drugs played on my mind.

"Why'd you start doing it?" I inquired curiously, licking my lips slightly.

He chuckled. "I was upset.." He stopped mid sentence

"Then?"

"Then, I tried it and... and I felt better."He continued.

I ran my hand through my hair, my eyes squinted as I let out a long shaky sigh, biting down on my bottom lip slightly. I had this powerful urge sweep over me to try it, but I didn't wanna become like my brother. I want something special in my life. I don't want it to be plain, simple and boring anymore. I want to be cool. I need to be one of the cool kids.

I reached out, grabbing the unfinished blunt, continuing to roll it up. I've seen my brother do this plenty of times, so I know what I'm doing. My heart was beating, The sound of it crashing into my rib cage ran in my ear. My hands began to become clammy and started shaking slightly. But I didn't care I needed this. After sticking the freshly rolled blunt between my lips, I brought a lighter up the end of it; I had also found it Sean's dresser. I cupped my hand around the flame slightly protecting it. I lit it up, Taking a few small puffs, letting the drug intoxicate my body.

Inhale, exhale.