In Memoriam

Part One ~ Where are you

Itsuki Matsumoto. That name has haunted me for months. Itsuki...Itsuki. Saiichi tries to joke saying he joined the Creepypastas, stories he had loved for years. I've tried to forget, but I can never bring myself to rid my mind of the life he left behind. The police are still finding bits and pieces of his existence, but lately, they've run a cold trail. The only things we have left at home from him was a diamond necklace he bought Saiichi for her birthday and a set of bloody bed sheets. His short life was full of abuse, hospitals, knives and hateful parents. That's why I need to bring him home.

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The day everything changed seemed as normal as it could get in a mental hospital; the call for breakfast, me having to wake Saiichi and literally drag Itsuki out of bed, go down to the dining hall then get ready for school. I never thought it would be the last day I saw him genuinely happy, let alone saw him at all.

All that is left of his existence was our memories, a diamond necklace and a set of bloody bed sheets. After he disappeared, we never got around to cleaning the sheets, we didn't really want to. To me, it would seem like he was never there, like I was acknowledging his disappearance. He's still here, I always thought to myself, he's safe. He left a void in the lives of everyone he knew. Like when he left, he took a piece of our hearts, our lives, with him.

Life without him now is lonely, we try to stay busy, but we know we will never be able to forget him. Not if we don't have any closure, at least. We've kept looking, even after the police said there was no hope. His father wanted a funeral, but we didn't want to, as it would seem as though we accepted him to be dead and we were not even considering that option.

The turning point during that last day which changed Itsuki for the worse was just after lunch, I saw him with Kumabe-sensei, the head counselor. He was saying something to Itsuki, who had his head bowed, looking at the ground, and his foot kicking the place he was standing. When they were finished I had asked Itsuki what happened, but he snapped at me, saying he didn't want to talk about it. I'm not easily offended, so it didn't bother me, but Saichii was worried that Kumabe had said something to hurt her boyfriend.

He had applied for an evening pass, curfew at 9 pm and starting at 5 pm, which was granted, since he hadn't self harmed in almost three weeks, a milestone for him. However, between the time that he was granted the pass, and the time it came into affect, he sat on the top bunk of his bed (he and Saiichi shared an XL twin, with a twin on top, and I had a twin on the other side of our room) and cut his thighs, letting the blood flow on to the white hospital sheets. I was sitting at the desk doing my college homework and we talked about where he was going, what time he'd be back, and how he was feeling. By the time 5 pm rolled around, he was already cleaned up, but he left the soiled sheets on the bed. Right before he left, he turned to me and said, "see you later, 'suke. And don't worry about me, I'll be fine," then he left, never to be seen again.

When he didn't come back, Maki-sama came to see if he had come back, and only had forgotten to sign in. When we said we hadn't seen him, Maki paged the front desk to called him over the PA system. When he didn't show, they called him again and again with no luck. Maki stayed up to make sure that if Itsuki came back, he'd be there to interrogate him. I'm the morning the police came wanting to know what Itsuki was like and where he could have gone. We answered as honestly as we could, me helping Saiichi communicate with the officer.

When they left, Saiichi cried into my chest, knowing that she'd probably never see him again. I held her, albeit awkwardly, not knowing how to comfort someone.

It's been three months, and so another day begins...