The Fault in Our Stars 2

Chapter 1

DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ OR SEEN THE FAULT IN OUR STARS! - CONTAINS SPOILERS IN THE FIRST SENTENCE. Other than that ENJOY!

You either win or lose at life but in the end death inevitably beats you. It doesn't change the good or bad you have done in the world but the war still takes you. Some lives are shorter than other lives, some infinities are bigger than other infinities but you can never know when the epilogue will come, you just have to anticipate it.

It's been 124 days since Gus passed on and since then Isaac and I have met up nearly each day and visited Gus' grave placing a new bouquet of wild flowers on it every week. Scientists haven't invented robot eyes yet so Isaac is still as blind as a bat but he never complains. To be honest it's horrible being able to see without a vision of Gus in my glazed eyes. I've also been taking Isaac to hospital appointments and Patrick's support groups, literally in the heart of Jesus, and we've become really close friends. I can't face the heart wrenching pain of attending those...things. I can't, I keep seeing Augustus' kind, gentle and caring face in that church hall way where I first bumped into him, I would just collapse and end up drowning my self in my tears if I go there again. Anyway, I hated it there even when Gus was still alive, I never needed to know the ins and outs of Patrick's ball cancer which has apparently reoccurred so for that I do send my compassion even though no one with cancer ever wants sympathy.

However on a happier note, Isaac is all clear; no more cancer but he still has to be checked on every 2 weeks by a consultant just to be on the safe side of any new cancer or infections. And I, well, nothing much to say, still got stupid cancer and I am still going to die soon but other than that I am grand. I am on a rollercoaster that only goes up my friend as Gus would say. I've got absolutely no positivity towards life anymore though, no Gus, no future, just cancer. I strongly admired Gus for that trait, he knew he was going to die but he kept going, smiling, laughing, if I do any of those things now I guarantee it would be forced, I have nothing to be positive about. When I die I'll be leaving Isaac but joining Gus. I feel embarrassed. I can never just see the good anymore, there's always bad tagging along behind me weighing me down. Its also the fact that even though Gus is dead he still probably has 10x more positivity than me.

Isaac gets annoyed at me for being such a downer. He's jealous that I'm going to die because once I am gone he has to live a full life with no sight or friends so he wants me to be as fun as possible whilst i'm still here so he's got good memories of me when I die so he's prepared for life rather than moping about all day worrying if I was ever happy if that makes any sense. I find it hard to describe things that are hard to talk about which is basically my whole life. I never talk to my mom anymore, I don't want to tell her anything that's happening in my life because either she'll worry or be very disappointed in me and most the time I'm disappointed in myself not for bad actions but for what I'm doing with my limited life which is nothing but moaning, crying, feeling sorry for myself and wishing I would hurry up and die. I've been told too many times that life's too short to waste it especially as my cancers spreading rapidly. I've thought about making a bucket list but I haven't written a thought down yet but this is what I think my list would be along the lines of: *Die *Die or *bring Augustus Waters back to life. So lets be fair that's not going to happen so I guess I'm just waiting to die.

Don't get me wrong I would never want to leave Isaac lonely and depressed but my life is so miserable, painful and pointless that I can't take it anymore and if you think that I'm going to stay just for Isaac then you obviously haven't waked in my shoes. Isaac is my best friend who I can trust with my life (unless he's driving a car with me as the passenger) so I would never want to do anything to hurt him but my life is shitty. It's a piece of crap. When I was 17 my mom decided I was depressed and at this point I disagreed entirely but now the love of my life is dead, my cancers spreading so I'm in increasingly more pain everyday, I don't feel I can talk to either of my parents even though they do EVERYTHING for me, I've found out that my favourite author is a rude selfish alcoholic (but I understand why however it's still unacceptable) and I'm not allowed to or physically can't do half the things any normal teenage girl would do like go to theme parks or clubs or walk up a flipping flight of stairs, I mean it's the little things that so many people take for granted and it just annoys the heck out of me that because of a poxy illness, I can't lead a normal life like everyone else. Why me? What have I done to deserve this? I was good, kind and helpful and yet I get rewarded with a terminal illness that killed the love of my life and will also eventually kill me. I was thirteen. No thirteen year old or even anyone should have to go through this agony however good or bad the person is. A person should have time in their life to prove that they are good and not harmful in anyway but obviously science contradicts this logic.

I can hear my parents friends saying how I've changed from a positive influence to a miserable corpse basically. I know I was loving and caring but the death of Gus has changed me for the worse, well there's that but also that I've been told that I have no more than 6 months to live so I've left MCC because what is the point in spending my parents money on classes that I'll never be able to use the information from and now I have nothing to do than meet up with Isaac and mourn for Gus. I am trying to be positive for Gus but with everything that's happened or is happening, It's hard to be.

A sharp pain suddenly stabbed Hazel in the side of her body as she was writing her bucket list of death down. She screamed silently as she had no air in her lungs to scream with and she plummeted to the ground crumpling up into a foetus position but her parents couldn't hear her and she couldn't reach her oxygen machine...