Things I Could Never Tell You

130, 131, 132

Text #130.

May 7, 4:28 pm.

Holy crap. The moment I stepped on the school campus, all eyes were on me. Literally. It looked like I was Taylor Swift and they were my congregation of fans, eyeing me from head to toe and examining me like I was a project of lab. Some of them where whispering and pointing towards me. Bella had gone already with her dummy friend, Maggie, and she wasn't there anymore to have my back. The scenes of me kissing library boy jumped to my mind, making it even harder for me. And that was pretty it for the rest of the day. That's until lunch came. The whole school was gathered in the cafeteria and everyone started staring at me when I walked in. The first person I saw throughout the crowd was library boy. He looked way more than fine. He looked at me and I quickly looked away. It was awkward enough to be in the same place as him already. I hope he doesn't remember what I did.

Text #131.

May 8, 1:53 pm.

Today I finally talked to Sophie. She told me everything. I couldn't believe in what she told me, literally. She said that when she came downstairs to the party, I was kissing library boy. She was kind of shocked, but was happy for me. She thought we were dating. Then she caught gaze of Tyler and went there talk to him. He told her that the party was great and that he was happy he came. She asked him if he had already talked to me. I don't know if I ever told you this, but I told Sophie everything. Well, not exactly everything. I just told her that you left me for Laurel and that I missed you so bad. I'll never tell her how I feel about you. Anyway, you answered that you had already talked to me and that I looked different. She told me that you told her that you had never seen me like that and you also asked if I was dating library boy. Sophie also added that you sounded kind of bothered when you mentioned him. She just answered you that you had a girlfriend and that stopped you from talking to me. You denied every time and told her you cared about me. I'm sure that you were lying. If you weren't, then why didn't you say it to my face? You wouldn't dare, or else it could threaten your relationship with your damn girlfriend. And you could do anything to stop that from happening. Sophie then told me that you kept saying that library boy wasn't fit for me. Sophie excused herself for some moments and came over to me. She told me that I was talking to some random guys. She pushed me away from them and told me what you had told her. That was all after I kissed library boy. I remember having some drinks then. I didn't know what they were, but I just took them. So she told me that you told her that you cared about me. I became furious, she said. I kept calling you a coward and saying that you hadn't the guts to say it to my face. Then, I grabbed a bottle with something from the kitchen and started drinking it. An hour later, I was completely out of myself. I stepped up on the table and started singing according to the lyrics. I started dancing until I couldn't anymore. At the end of the party, I was completely wasted and library boy was still there, according to Sophie. He carried me from the couch all the way to Sophie's room and kept telling her to put some comfortable clothes on me and to fix a bed for me to sleep on. After much insisting, she did that and some minutes later, he left. That makes everything different. If I thought I had it bad, now I can see that I clearly have it worst than bad. This makes this situation so much more awkward than it already is. Oh, Lord.

Text #132.

May 9, 2:30 pm.

I have been avoiding library boy all day. I still can't believe I kissed him. I don't even know his name. Really, I don't know his name. Today I was walking to chemistry and you glanced at me. You kept looking to my sides, like you were searching for someone. I still think you're a coward. I think it's easier if I hate you. Everything would be so much simple if I hated you.