You're a Bottom, Harry

Ron

Ron was, very simply, a great friend with even greater legs. Harry doubted Ron ever took the time to appreciate the beauty that were his legs as he jogged to the Great Hall in search of Hedwig.

Instead he found Hermione. He stopped beside her, panting. "Hermione, yesterday Sirius entered Hogwarts."

She raised an eyebrow. "Sirius did what?"

"Enter Hog-"

"Harry!" Seamus called. "Dean told me that, er, Ron told him, that you would want this." Seamus tossed Harry his bag. Inside were his books, schoolwork, and his wand. How had Harry forgotten his wand? He was sure it was in his pocket...

Hermione shook him gently. "Harry, how could Sirius have entered Hogwarts? What did he say?"

"He told me to follow my heart," Harry glared at his shoes. "He thinks that I-"

"Need to ask someone to the Yule Ball. And fast," she grinned, proud of the fact that she already was going with someone.

At that moment Ron raced in. "Mate, why'd you leave so fast?" he asked, desperately trying to catch his breath. Ron's tangled hair fell into his eyes, making him seem rugged and strangely hot.

No! Not Ron! Harry thought to himself. Of all the people I could possibly find attractive, why would it be Ron?

Harry concluded that this Ron incident was a fluke, a flaw in the system. Ron was his best friend, not a male model. (Perhaps Ron would be both someday). But this was just a phase, and soon he would figure out what boy he wanted to bring home to his parents.

If he had parents, that is. The closest thing that he had was the Dursleys, and they wouldn't bat an eye if Harry started dating an elephant named Paul. Harry realized that Sirius, Remus, and Hagrid were the next on the list of 'parents', and he assumed they would all approve of his new identity. Harry decided that he would bring a boy home by the end of the year. Perhaps winning the Triwizard tournament would win over someone's heart...

"Harry!" Hermione cried desperately. "We are finding you a date to the Yule Ball whether you like it or not." Hermione grabbed him and Ron by the elbows and dragged them out of the Great Hall, chin held high.

Harry leaned over to Ron, who was struggling to free himself of Hermione's iron grip. "Hey, Ron, say we go to the Yule Ball together? Neither of us can get a girl anyway."

Ron chuckled. "Good one, mate."

Harry chuckled too, covering up the fact that his offer was serious. He let his mind wander as Hermione yanked him into the unknown.