Things I Could Never Tell You

161, 162, 163

Text #161. 

June 6, 3:07 pm.

I accepted to go on Cameron's family barbecue. I need that kind of distract and plus, it's a barbecue. There will have food, so hell yeah I'm going. Can you believe that he actually came here yesterday with a pot of ice cream because he thought that I was on "those days", lol. We have kind of gotten closer these last few weeks. He said he wants to know me better. I was thinking. He is everything like you. He reminds me of you in every single aspect I can recall. I just hope he doesn't screw over with me like you did. I hope you both aren't alike in that concept.

Text #162.

June 7, 5:23 pm.

I was just here wondering. If people knew what I thought about myself and what goes inside my mind, would they see me the same way they do every day? Or would something change?

Text #163.

June 8, 6:37 pm.

Mom and dad finally traveled to Mexico in the RV they rented. It was not that big, but it was enough for both of them. Tomorrow is going to be Cameron's family barbecue and I look forward to going there. Mrs. Porter came here some hours ago and brought us some smashed bananas to eat. It looked gross at first, something like mucus, but it was actually yummy. I was feeling kind of giddy today by remembering that tomorrow I would be going to Cameron's house, but something inside me made that feeling vanish. What if I get attached to Cameron and he leaves me like you did? What if we grow to being friends and then you simply decide that I'm not worth your time anymore? I'm scared, Tyler. I am. You were the one person I needed when life got hard, but when that moment came, I learned that you were just another lesson I had to learn. Learning to trust someone the way I trusted you scares the shit out of me. Maybe because in the end, they end up disappointing me. Maybe it's better if I stay alone. Well, it's not exactly better, but it's safer for me.