Dumb stuff and jokes

Long jokes

Twins

A woman is in labor and falls into a coma, and wakes of 3 days later with a doctor by her side.
The doctor looks at the woman and says,"Ah! You're awake! It's been three days now. You seem to be perfectly healthy, although I have some good news, and some bad news. Which would you like first?"
The woman looks at the doctor and says,"Well, let's hear the good news first."
The doctor says to the woman,"Well, you have given birth to two perfectly healthy twins! A boy, and a girl!"
"Well," the woman says,"What's the bad news?
The doctor locks eyes with the woman, sighs, and says,"We let your brother name the babies."
The woman looks nervous and asks,"Well, what did he name the kids?"
The doctor looks more relaxed and replies,"Well, he named the daughter Deniece."
The woman looks relieved and says with a sigh,"Oh, that's not too bad. What did he name the boy?"
The doctor lets out a slow grin and says with a smile,"Denephew".

For the sick

There is a mother and a daughter in church, and suddenly, the daughter pulls on the mother's dress and says nervously,"Mommy, I think I might throw up."
The mom looks at the daughter and says,"Well, go outside to the back of the church, and go in the bushes."
The girl runs out of the sanctuary, and comes back in about 10 seconds.
The mother looks puzzled at the daughter and asks,"Wow! That was quick."
The daughter looks up at the mother and says,"Oh, no. I didn't need to go outside. There was a box in the front that said 'For the Sick'.

Nobel Prize

A man is driving down a country road, looking out and seeing field, after field, after field of wheat. All of a sudden, the man sees a farmer in his field, out in the tall wheat, just standing there. The man can't help his curiosity and walks over and meets the farmer in the field and asks,"What are you doing out here?"
The farmer looks at the man and says as if it was really obvious,"What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying to earn a Nobel Prize.
The man looks confused and asked,"Well, how to you expect to do that by just standing here?"
The farmer looks over at the man and says,"Well, I hear that you can earn a Nobel Prize by being out standing in your field.