I Don't Want To Lose My Best Friend [ON HOLD]

Would you ever try to leave me, for somebody who deserves you most?

His fist was raised like he wanted to keep knocking but then he looked down at me, his eyes meeting mine. He opened his mouth but couldn’t get his words out.

“What are you doing here?” I felt my bitterness crashing down around me immediately, my eyes narrowing at him.

“Can I come in and talk to you? Please Allison.” I sighed before rolling my eyes and moving aside to open the door wider and I motioned for him to come in. I closed the door and locked it behind us and he looked down at the bat in my hand.

“You still carry one of those?”

“Well duh! I’ve got a child to protect!” I rolled my eyes once again before putting it back in the closet and then motioned for Tony to sit down in the living room. I didn’t feel like sitting so I stayed standing in front of him and he looked up at me.

“Aren’t you going to sit down?” He laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Nope.” I stated bluntly and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Alright…uh…well to start off with, I just want to apologize for the way I acted three days ago Allison. I didn’t mean to hurt you again, I just…I got scared when you told me I was a dad. I’ve never been good with kids, you know that, I’m so nervous I’m going to fuck up her life and I guess I took out all my anger and fear on you because you were right there and…fuck I’m so sorry.”

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, trying to swallow down the lump I felt forming in my throat. I did not want to cry in front of Tony, I downright refused to give him the ability to use my vulnerability against me…then again, that was just my irrational side talking. Tony had seen me cry plenty of times, which I still hated.

“I don’t care if you hate me Tony, but don’t take it out on our daughter…she needs a dad in her life.” I muttered.

“Al…Allison look at me.” Tony demanded. I slowly lowered my head and flicked my gaze back to his. He didn’t break eye-contact for one minute and I felt the nerves in the pit of my stomach.

“I do not hate you…I could never hate you. How could I hate the first girl I ever loved? The girl who showed me what it meant to be there for someone no matter what, the girl who proved to me that best friends can fall in love and make it work, the girl who always supported me and never let me give up…the girl who was there for me when times were rough…Allison I’ve never stopped loving you. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, or if I gave you the wrong impression, but just because we broke up on bad terms doesn’t mean I could throw away the years we had together. Even if we were young, it meant everything to me.”

My broken heart stung at his kind words. I felt the same way. It would be impossible to let go of your first love.

“Then why did we hurt each other Tony? People who love each other don’t do that.” I sniffled, my eyes burning as I fought to keep the tears inside. Tony’s face softened as he stood up and towered over me again.

“Please don’t cry Ally Bear…I hate to see those beautiful eyes shed tears, especially on my account.” The pads of his rough thumbs gently brushed them away as they escaped my eyes and I so desperately wanted to lean into Tony’s touch.

“I’m sorry for taking her away from you, but I was scared, we had just broken up and you weren’t picking up my calls so I gave up, I was angry at you and jaded from our bad experiences and I didn’t want to need you…but it was so hard, so difficult to not have you there to experience it with me…and I did need you. I was so scared, but I was forced to grow up. I gave up my young adulthood to work and go to school to give her a better life…I wanted you to have what I couldn’t, you wanted to pursue music and you’re all so talented, I didn’t want your chance to be blown because of me…God I’m so sorry Tony…please don’t hate me…”