The women who wants to give but can't.

Chapter 1

This was the third test she had tried, yet the result was the same as all the others. What was wrong with her. This was supposed to be the one job all women could do, the one thing her husband wanted from her – yet she couldn't seem to give him it.

She had always known there was something wrong with her. As a child she was the poor, smelly kid nobody wanted to play with. As a teenager she was labelled the school slut, had a new bloke every week, but this provided her with much love and attention - something her mother sadly lacked. At sixteen she dropped out of school, and that's when she meet him, Paul Connor. The Paul Connor.

  Paul was a rich kid. He came from a family of loving parents and two perfect siblings, Michelle and Liam. Some would describe the family as idyllic, while hers were far from it. Paul was seven years older than her but that didn't stop the pair falling madly in love. When she was age twenty, they got married and took a beautiful honeymoon break to Thailand where they relaxed happily for two weeks. When they arrived home they were hit with the news that Pauls farther, Barry, had decided to sign over his multi-million pound football club to his eldest son – Paul.

She was given everything she could ever dream of. Designer clothes, shoes, handbags, luxury cars, last minute holidays and a beautiful house. Paul was earning a fortune managing the football club and always took great pride in taking his wife shopping to spoil her rotten. He done it without the slightest hesitation and this made her feel even worse. It was the one thing he wanted, the only thing he has ever asked of her.

**

She walked into the house, quietly closing the door behind her. She didn't want to be heard, she didn't want to be seen, she wanted to be alone.

"Darlin', what's wrong?" Paul called as he caught glimpse of her storming up the large flight of stairs. Shrugging it off he assumed she was in another one of her moods and left her to it. "Remember we have that dinner tonight love, it's important we both go." He finished, before walking back into his study to continue working.

Slamming the door behind her, she let a few tears finally fall from her eyes. The doctors diagnosis kept running through her head. It disgusted her, made her feel like a failure. Opening her handbag she pulled out the small box of pills that she had been prescribed. She had been warned treatment could take months even years and it was crucial to have support from loved ones. But she couldn't face telling him, she knew it would break his heart. Opening the box, she pulled out the silver packet of tablets to examine it. Each day of the week was labelled across the top, which was followed by four rows containing small white pills. She had been told when to take the medication, but when the doctor was talking she wasn't exactly listen. Popping out the first pill she held the small capsule between two fingers. She didn't care much about the side-effects, in fact she didn't even bother reading them, before she swallowed it. She just wanted to be normal.

**

They were all sitting around a table in one of the restaurants the group frequently dined in. There was Michelle and Ciaran, Liam and Maria, Peter and Leanne and finally Paul and herself. These were the people she was closest to yet she would never call them friends.

Carla had remained quiet that whole night, her mind far to pre-occupied to join in the chatter. Though the bits she had payed attention to, she wished she hadn't. Liam and Maria had announced they were expecting a second child – a little girl they made sure to highlight. Michelle was complaining about the pains of carrying her fourth child and both Peter and Leanne spoke fondly of their only son Simon. She sat there quietly not sure what to say, Paul also sat beside her just as quietly his hand wondering up and down her thigh – it wouldn't take a genius to work out what he had planned for later. And then the conversation turned to focus on them. Paul spoke loudly, announcing to the world that they were trying for a baby of their own. She looked down, tears stinging her eyes threatening to fall any minute, Michelle's hawk-like eyes on her the whole time.

"I just need to pop to the bathroom. I won't be a minute." She spoke for the first time that night, Michelle was quick to follow.

At last she was alone, or so she thought. Leaning against the sink she again went into her bag to bring the pills out. Pulling out the silver tray she looked at them. Maybe if she stood here long enough just looking at them, something in her body might finally click. Sighing she opened a second pocket. Again she grabbed the small capsule between her fingers and was ready to take it, when suddenly Michelle burst into the room.

"So this is what your hiding from him ey?" She started. Carla should of known Michelle would take this the wrong way. From the very first day they meet, she had a hatred for her. She knew her brother could do so much better than the girl from the council estate, the funny thing was for the first time in her life Carla also believed this. "Do ya know how much he wants this. He gives you everything Carla and this is how you repay him?" Michelle continued, walking forward a few steps to stand beside her sister-in-law. "I knew from the first day you were trouble. But this Carla, this is horrible. Don't tell him you're wanting to try for a child, if you plan on staying on the pill. There's a name for people like you." Reaching forward, Michelle grabbed the packet out of Carla's hands, before she had time to react. "He deserves to know the truth.." Carla didn't know what to do. She was gone before she could do anything. "It's not what it seems." She shouted but it was to late. Michelle was gone, gone to tell Paul what she thought she knew..