Its an endless cycle of making a memory permanent
My need for help became so urgent
But I couldn't put this burden on anyone else...
My mind became so fuzzy and dull
I felt like my brain would burst from my skull
I felt my heart stop when I saw the small thing
But I knew I had to do something
No, it wasn't a blade, it was a sewing needle
I knew it couldn't be lethal
I put the needle up to my skin
And pressed down and slide it across slowly
Hoping that someone would burst through that door and console me
But, no one came.
This is my self-harm story
Self-harm is the act of inflicting pain on yourself
It doesn't just have to be cutting, it can be burning, smoking, anything harmful
I thought my skin was as tough as marble
But it cut so easily
Each scar became a memory
Inhale...cut...exhale...repeat..
Inhale...cut..exhale..repeat...
I remember this cycle so perfectly
The pain was so satisfying
The physical replaced so mental so greatly
I was addicted to the chemicals releasing from the relief
I was 2 months clean,
Until Friday October 30 2015
And now I don't care if my cuts are seen
I know this topic is a little obscene
But there was no one at the scene to stop me
I relapsed..and I hate myself for it
Yes, I wish I can collapse
I'm addicted to the pain again
But I don't want to go through the cycle again.
So maybe just maybe I can find a way to make it end...
