What Do You Mean? (Camren)

Chapter 1

Quite ironic isn't it? How your best friend is on the phone with you at 3 in the morning explaining in vivid details as to how you can't possibly know how it feels to have your heart broken into tiny pieces. Yet, what she doesn't know is that my heart is breaking at this very moment. It's breaking because I know she's hung up on some other boy that made her feel like the shittiest person to walk on this earth.

Let me tell you, my heart probably broke a million times having to hear her speak so highly of that low-life douche. Not being able to put my two-cents in because no words would dare come out of my mouth.

"Camila, are you even fucking listening to me?" I could hear the sobs come pouring out of her mouth like an endless wave of despair.

"Yeah, I'm here..." I murmur quietly as she starts to retell of how her and "the love of her life" met.

While in my head I was recounting the days where I didn't feel quite as shitty as I did today. This was how it was for awhile.

Lauren had been dating this guy Brad for awhile now. I think it had to be almost a year and half, if you didn't count the times where they'd break up and constantly get back together after. Well, to make a long story short Lauren and him had broken up a few weeks ago. It seemed as if she was doing fine most of the time, but then the nights like this came. The nights where I'd be woken up at 2 in the morning in efforts to console her broken self. This would usually go on for hours and the next day we'd pretend as if nothing had gone wrong. As if I didn't stay up for hours on end being what she needed as she cried for the guy she was hopelessly in love with. And I was hopelessly, and uncontrollably in love with her.

"Lauren you need to see this from my perspective though! You need to separate yourself with this version of your idea of love. It's toxic and having you cry over that assho-"

"Don't fucking tell me he's an asshole for what he did! You don't understand this because you've never been so fucking in love that everything inside you hurts, okay! You just have this idea that this crappy lives of ours have its way of working itself out, well let me open your eyes for you," She venomously spat out without hesitation.

I knew this wasn't her, but she was really overstepping the boundaries.

"This life of ours isn't some childish fairytale of yours where we all get a happy ever after. So grow the fuck up, and stop telling me it is. I don't need this.  I don't need you to tell me how it can get better later on!" She cried out onto the phone as her voice kept getting hoarse with each word, "I want it to be better now. Is that too much to ask?"

I didn't think it was possible that my heart could break even more. But I decided then and there that nothing hurts more than this.

"Lauren..."

Bzzzzt...

"Camz!? He's calling me right now! Hold on, okay?" She didn't even give me a chance to reply when I was suddenly put on hold.

I waited for awhile thinking that whatever it was, it would take just a few minutes. Then we could get back as to how my insides hurt with each word she praised about him. Needless to say, I was on hold for the rest of the night.

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I woke with a crick in my neck and my phone dead. Apparently, since my phone died overnight I didn't get to wake on time as I looked to my left and saw how it was five minutes until 8.

"Shit!" I yelled scrambling to get out of bed picking up random clothes that I could find.

I didn't even seem to care that I had huge bedstead. Instead I just wrapped my hair up into a messy bun. Since I didn't have the time to put my contacts into place, I settled for just my glasses that no one in school has seen me wear before.

I noticed that my homework from last night was all spread out on my desk like a mad mess.

"I don't have time for this," I hear myself whisper as I grabbed all I could and shoving it deep into my backpack, not caring if Ms. Hardenburg's history homework found it self in the bottom of my bag.

Grabbing my keys from the corner of my desk, I rush my way out the door and make it down the stairs. Just in time to see my mom rolling her eyes and staring at the clock.

"You overslept. Again. You really need to tell that Lauren girl not to call that late, mija," The disapproving tone can be heard from miles away.

I take one glance at her before I head out the front door, "She's my best friend and she needed me mom. I'd do anything for her you know that."

What I didn't quite want to hear was what my mother murmured out loud.

"Sí, if only she realizes that..."

Have you ever had stage fright in the midst of the biggest audience you've ever seen in your life? For me, that's what it felt like to come out to my mom. My heart was pounding. My blood was rushing through my veins. My head started to throb. I could feel that panicky kind of feeling seconds away from practically devouring me. If it weren't for the way my mom could sense what was to come, I would be knees deep into the wooden floor having passed out. However, that wasn't the case. She took me into her arms and whispered encouraging words into my ear.

"Camila I don't care the gender of who you decide to be in love with. For all I care you could be in love with a dog and I will still support it. You are my daughter no matter what. Te quiero mija."

I could have gone my whole life without having to hear what she just said before I left, but just hearing it come from my mother made me think she knew what no one else could possibly know. I was in love with my someone who's completely enthralled to someone else.