Thoughts I could never let out

There is two of us

Song to listen to while reading- I Love you, I hate you (Gnash)     
I can hear the words "I miss you" echoing as if poetry to my ears. I'm Never able to get enough of you, you telling me How much you want the touch of my skin against yours, I'm craving for only your affection. The way I  glaze my fingertips over your skin able to create chills lining your fragile body is something I wish only I had control of. You told me you love the way I can make emotions flood over with only a single glance. I feel as if numb to the existence of the outside world because when we are together it is only you and I. You tell me how much you need me, want me, care for me. But those are only words. If You was gone it would be a living hell. I want to be the the only thing holding you at the brink of sanity, however neither of us have such thing. and you yourself know that, but you are to afraid to admit it. You are Something new to me.

Emotions I've never felt before consume be whole when I see you go running into another girls arms at her beckoning call. You are Crushing me.

You fucked her when you just finished telling me how badly you want me, you did not even consider how much that would make my skin crawl. You are making me burn.

You have to work for me, for my pleasure, for my trust, for the parts of me I keep hidden, and that is an abstract concept for you to grasp.
Girls are always fall at your feet; and I don't want to be that to you, I want to be more, I want something you've never had with anyone before. you just want to feel whole again and so do I, yet your way of coming across it is torture to those around you. Pleasure is the only way that you know how. You are using me.

The moment I got a little to attached I realized what I enclosed myself within, what will happen to me if I fall just a little to hard. & I'm dumb enough to take that risk. You are impacting me.

What am I suppose to think? I'm lost in my own thoughts. I am stuck in a paradox of "Your actions speak louder than words" and "words are louder and weight more than actions" Do you really need me or is this one of your games? You are confusing me.

I am in pain and you are the only one that can fix it even though you are the one causing such existence, but doesn't that alone mean how much you mean to me already. Maybe I'm just as scared as you. You are consuming me.

Help me escape. Make me forget.

You tell me we can not be more than friends, but then beg me to stay,  are you forgetting that I was once apart of your fairytale? Are you forgetting what we once did? You tell me to not feel lost, alone, scared that your going to always be by my side because "You have never felt this way before" but how many other girls have heard that same lie escape from your lips? You are killing me.

I can't take these lies any longer, I will not stay in your life if you don't want me to. But I don't have that self control, I can't make myself let you go I know myself and I know of anything goes wrong you will still have me by your side, because you know I care so much that it hurts, and I won't leave, I don't ever want to leave, and maybe I am so stupid for thinking that, but that is what my heart is telling me to do, even though my brain is opposing.

You want to be friends one day, then love me more than anyone the next. Tell me what you want, tell me what needs to be fixed. so you are happy & I know there is nothing more
pathetic then asking you to end up in that final picture with me but I want you more than anything. You are tearing me apart. You are my addiction.

You are floating in the vast deep blue ocean, and I am so afraid that you will drown or get lost at sea. & yes I know you are strong enough to do this on your own, but I want to be there to help. I just want you to be safe, and to be free from all the danger, but I know that will never be the case, because you thrive off of it, you love the adrenaline it gives you, and I feel like I am taking that away from you. The only adrenaline I provide you is my innocence, knowing that I have never been with someone "like you," physically before & you crave that, you crave how my body reacts to yours, how you can make my skin crawl and legs tremble, igniting me with fire in my frozen body.

Yet you also thrive off another girl. How? You do not even know how hard I'm falling and I do not even know if I can catch myself. Please just stay. No matter in what form, I need you as much as you need me.

I want nothing more than your touch against mine, even though I know the consequences and how toxic they can be, but I've never been more sure of a risk but you & me. I know how bad this will hurt, but @ this exact moment I'm willing to fall because what I am feeling right now is so real. Stay. I know what I'm getting myself into and I am ready. I am ready to feel
again.

There is nothing worse than to be addicted to someone who is addicted to someone else.