Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 38: I Don't Wanna Admit That We're Not Gonna Fit

*~(The title of this chapter is from Lies by Marina and the Diamonds.)~*

*~Gerard's P.O.V.~*

I didn't sleep at all last night. I kept checking my phone in the hopes that maybe I'd get lucky and she'd text me. I knew I had to be strong, but God, I missed her already.

This morning, I started typing out a nice good morning text to her, but then I remembered I can't do that anymore, so I deleted it and sadly put my phone down. I almost never went an entire Saturday without talking to her, but here I am.

I just sat on my couch and watched Dr. Who all day, because nothing is fun without Sky. She makes me laugh constantly, and I never laugh when she isn't here. Right now, she'd probably be sitting on my lap, and I'd be playing with her hair as we cuddled and talked about all the pointless shit high school girls like to talk about. It was never pointless shit to me. I listened to every word she said as if it were a meaningful poem. She had a special way of making everything she talked about interesting. I bet we could have a long, detailed conversation that was completely and utterly "girl talk," and she'd still somehow make it amazing.

I'm sure she could even make a conversation about her period amazing, and that was something I didn't want to discuss. I'd only want to discuss it if she was having bad cramps, and needed extra cuddles so she'd feel better. Then she can tell me about it, because I'm always up for cuddling, or giving her massages to help ease the pain. That happened many times when we were living together. We'd just cuddle, I'd go out and buy her whatever she needed, and I'd feed her lots of sweets. I took pretty good care of her when she was on her period, I think. I hope I took good enough care of her.

I shook the thoughts away. You know you miss your girlfriend when you're even thinking about how you took care of her while she was on her period. But, it was really cute how cuddly she was during that time. She'd almost never let me leave the bed, even if it was just to use the bathroom, because then she'd have to live without cuddles for a while.

But I did the right thing by breaking up with her! I wish she'd understand that. Plus, it's only three weeks. She'll take me back for sure after graduation. At least I think she will.

Life will be great after graduation. She'll be able to move in with me, if she wants, and we can finally be like a normal couple. Who cares about the age gap? All that matters is that it'll be legal. It doesn't matter if a twenty-six year old man has an eighteen year old girlfriend, as long as it's legal. Eight years isn't even that much. I can't wait 'til we're finally fully legal.

I went out to the back porch and pulled out a cigarette. I hoped that smoking would ease the pain, but it didn't.

I just needed to remind myself that I did the right thing. Sky can't be mad at me for that, can she? I definitely did the right thing. Someday she'll thank me for this.

But, God, it's lonely on Saturdays without her. I decided to text Mikey and Ray and ask them if they wanted to hang out, and they agreed to it. I don't think Mikey knows what happened yet, but I'm sure Ray will lecture me. At least he's still coming over. I'm so lonely.

It's not like she'll ever take me back. I'm sure she's pissed at me.

Maybe we weren't meant to be. Maybe we'll never fit together.

But, God I miss her.