"I've moved on!"
Paulit-ulit kong sinsabi sa sarili ko.
"Okay ka na. Di ka na affected. Kaya mo na yan!"
December 7, 2020. It has been 5 years since my life began to be interesting. I woke up with a heavy heart. It took me some time before I get up from my bed. I took the journal that is on the table beside my bed. I hugged it. Feel it. And I stare at it. I argued with myself. "Will I open it or not?".
After a long time of fighting with myself, I finally decided to connect with my past thinking that the past is in the past and that it means nothing to me anymore and thinking that it is the right thing to do. Dapat matagal ko na tong ginawa dahil ito lang ang makakapagpalaya sakin. Makakapagsimula na rin ako ng panibagong buhay. If I do this, makakalimot na rin ako. Di naman siguro masamang maghangad na makalimot ng mga bagay na nakakasakit sayo tuwing naaalala mo diba? So I decided to open the journal and read what's in it.
"No! This can't be happening. All this time mali..." These are the words na unang lumabas sa bibig ko after I realized that things did not turn out as what I expected it to be. I was wrong. Mali ako. Maling-mali. Ba't ko pa ba kasi ginawa yon? Ayan tuloy, naalala ko na naman lahat. Lahat-lahat. Lahat ng saya. Lahat ng sakit. Lahat ng mga nangyari. I remember them all clearly, na parang kahapon lang nangyari, when in fact it happened 5 years ago. 5 years ago when love came to me unexpectedly.
