Denial

"Claire, these are the rest of the guys."

John glanced up from the TV and looked toward where Roger was standing. He repressed the urge to roll his eyes and growl towards the newcomer. Freddie and Brian happily greeted the young girl. He studied the new girl who's hand was entwined with Roger's. She had a small frame and long, slightly wavy brown hair that fell across her shoulders. Her wide, brown eyes gave her that young and innocent look. Everything went together perfectly and John had to admit she was beautiful. Yet he couldn't repress the feeling of jealousy as he saw Roger's arm wrapped around her waist and a wide smile on his face as the other guys asked questions. But it wasn't her looks that made him jealous.

"John, come say hi!" Brian said eagerly

John cringed inwardly as all their gazes shifted to him. He slowly got up and stuck one of his hands in his pockets. "Hello Claire." He said in a quiet voice

"Speak up darling! Stop being so shy. It's not like she'll bite."

John rolled his eyes and repeated what he said in a louder voice. Claire merely smiled in response and he shook her hand. He quickly put that hand back in his other pocket and listened to her responses. Her voice was layered with confidence, something he sorely lacked in. She seemed like a proud and nice girl. But that was the problem. She was a girl. Knowing Roger's past, she'd last a few weeks and then they'd break up. He knew Roger was just going to find any girl to deny the fact to himself.

Yeah, the fact that he's bi.

And it doesn't help that he belongs to me.

He'd known Roger had some interest in guys since he'd confessed how he felt to him three weeks ago right after he and Brian had that argument. That night was the best he'd ever experienced and he loved every second of it and he could see in Roger's eyes that he loved it too. But, the next morning came and he just denied every single thing they'd had that night. He constantly said that he was drunk and hardly remembered a thing. But John knew fully well that he was lying. Roger was just lying to himself now. He'd never want to be alone with him and was even nervous around Brian and Freddie. But, it didn't really help that they were in a relationship themselves. He watched the talking group migrate to the kitchen, allowing him to be alone with his thoughts.

John quickly sat back down and looked at the ceiling. That night, after that huge argument that happened after he'd left to go to whatever club was nearby, Brian and Freddie apparently "talked" and they've been inseparable ever since. John felt happy for the two, but Roger completely forbid him from saying anything to anyone. He listened, knowing what it was like to want to keep something a secret. He remembered the morning after vividly and it killed him inside to think of it. Roger had been furious with him and he felt completely awful that whole day. He blamed him for taking advantage of him when he was drunk and he knew it wasn't right, but Roger would have done the same thing if it was a girl. He heard the group laughing in the next room.

"Bastard." He muttered under his breath, knowing that he didn't mean it.

John knew Roger wasn't gay. He'd seen the way he looked into other girl's eyes and knew that he did feel something for girls. But, he wouldn't accept the fact that he could have feelings for a guy too. Not that John had noticed it before. None of them would have guessed it. Hell, he wouldn't have guessed Brian was bi too. Freddie he could understand. It was kinda obvious to....everyone. But even he was shocked at Roger's drunken come out about how he'd had feelings for him. He knew that alcohol messed up thoughts.

"That doesn't mean when you're sober you still have that excuse."

...

Claire left a few hours later. Freddie and Brian seemed extremely pleased with her and happy that Roger had found someone. John himself had retired to his room and laid silently in his bed as he heard the group out there. Normally he'd join just to be near other people, but probably keep quiet. But, it'd be awkward to be around Roger during this time and he'd stay far away from him. He sighed and ran his fingers through his short hair. He heard the chatter through the closed door and placed the book he'd been reading on the side table and got up. Walking down the hallway, he caught a part of the conversation and froze before he could be noticed, hoping to know whether or not he should continue.

"I'm not surprised! It's Freddie fucking Mercury! Of course that's what happened!" Roger said with a slight laugh in his voice

"Hey, I'm not the one who made the move!" Freddie retorted, "Brian made the big move! All I did was kiss him!"

"That's still the first move Fred." Brian sighed

John moved out more and saw them all gathered in a circle. Roger was facing away from him, meaning he wouldn't notice him. But, the same couldn't be said for Brian and Freddie.

"Look! The cat's come out of their hiding spot!" Freddie jeered

Roger turned around and averted his gaze quickly. John's shoulders slumped as he walked over, taking a seat on the far end of the couch.

"Why were you hiding in there all day?" Brian asked

John looked away and merely shrugged.

"Dear you should have come out and met that nice young girl Rog brought home. She's such a lovely woman. You'd get along with her quite nicely." Freddie suggested

"Wasn't in the mood." He whispered

"You're never in the mood to talk. Come on, why didn't you stay and chat with her?"

He gave a hesitant glance at Roger, who was firmly looking straight ahead, an awkward and somewhat angry light sitting in his blue gaze. He sighed and shrugged again. Freddie's eyes softened as he looked at Brian, who seemed to get whatever message he was trying to relay.

"I'm off to bed." Roger told them suddenly

"It's only 11-" Brian began

"Just tired."

No one objected as John watched Roger leave quickly. John knew why. It was because he came out there and it made it weird again. He rested his face in his palm and sighed. Freddie leaned in and whispered into Brian's ear and he nodded in response. He watched the lanky guitarist leave the room and Freddie trailed behind him. Alone again. Great, no one wants to be near me.

John sat down in his bed and laid his head face down on the pillow. His heart ached and his mind was clouded with thoughts of what could be. He saw Roger and him together watching a movie, laughing and holding hands. He saw them sharing a meal together at a local restaurant and smiling as they leaned in for a kiss. Lastly, he thought of Roger shutting off the light and wrapping his arms around him as they slept. He didn't want just the single one night stand that had happened. He wanted a full relationship with Roger. Someone to come home to and say "I love you" to on the daily basis. He felt tears of longing collect near the edge of his eyes as he heard the door shut. He froze and looked up through slightly blurry eyes to see the familiar face of Freddie standing in the doorway. His brown eyes were soft and warm, like pools of chocolate.

"Surprised to see Roger woo a girl like this! She's certainly a lucky one." He told him

"I..I guess." John stuttered out

Freddie sat down at the edge of the bed. He ran his fingers through his shortened hair and sighed. "It's always nice to see happy couples. But it was hard when I had no one to experience what they had with. Then Bri came along and it's just been," He sighed dreamily, "Wonderful."

John sat up and felt a slight annoyance begin to build up within him. "Look Freddie, I'm tired and-"

"Dear, I'm not blind." He said with a smirk. "I see how you look at Brian and I and I see that longing in your eyes that I know all to well. You want a kind of relationship too, don't you?"

He was taken aback by how Freddie seemed to be able to pick up on these things with such ease and precision that he was never wrong when it came to love. He nodded slightly and Freddie rested a hand on his back.

"Well, go check out some girls. That's what Roger did and look he's got Claire."

John felt his eyes roll at the mention of the girl's name. He felt his hands twitch to dig themselves into the fabric of his pants, but he held it back and sat there with a stone cold stare.

"Come on. I'll bring you out! Brian doesn't mind me going out as long as I don't bring some floozy back to the flat. It'll help you. Have a few drinks and lighten up. There'll be some sexy girls there too!"

He looked down, ignoring the slight feeling of embarrassment creeping up in him. He wanted to shout that he didn't want just some girl, or even some guy. He wanted Roger, and that was it. He wanted the icy gaze of the blonde god to be his and not some random girl he picked up from a street corner.

"I..I don't want to." John muttered

Freddie turned around, bringing himself fully onto the bed. "Darling you've gotta get out there! Plenty of girls will go for a nice charming guy like you."

"I..I." He cut himself off there, not wanting to say it again.

"You what? Come on John. I'm trying my best here to help you. You're the only one out of all of us who's got no one to go to."

I almost can. If he'd...

"admit it." He said in a barely audible voice

"John, stop your mumbling! I want to help. I know what it's like to be alone-"

This got John talking, for he leapt up, his fists balled and an anger settling in his stomach. "It's not about me being alone! You can't understand it! I don't want just a girl in m-my life! E-Even a g..guy..." His voice trailed off at the end of the sentence.

A sparkle shined in Freddie's brown eyes as he smiled. "And that's what I was waiting for."