Hopes Up. (One Shot)

             They say girls always expect things. That's why they are the ones who mostly end up dissappointed. I think it's just a female's nature to hope a little, shall I say, hope too much. Too much that it hurts.

               Every morning, we wake up with either a smile that brightens up like sunshine.. or a tear from a terrible dream. But most of the time, girls wake up with both. We do our morning rituals. Then head to the closet. It is there in that cabinet... a small fragment of a girl's room, where hoping begins. While she scans her clothes, wondering what to wear, countless possibilities play in her mind.

               Her hopes, shall I say fantasies linger from what others will think of her outfit, to what he will think of her outfit. There's always this one guy in mind. Ironically, his opinion matters that much to her. So much that she would spend hours finding the right dress to wear.

           In that wooden box begins expectations of situations and scenarios she would want to happen. She is slowly swallowed by mere imagination, luring her into what her heart desires. Moments with him. May bago akong dress na floral, sana mapatingin siya kahit saglit. Mapansin lang niya, okay na. 

              Then she heads to her mirror... spending ample time staring at herself. Every imperfection, she'll notice. Insecurities start to invade her mind. Poisoning every bit of nerve into thinking she is not beautiful. Nagtatanong, bakit ang ganda niya sa suot niya? Bakit ako hindi ganoon? 

                Accompanied by the negativity is he. He crosses her mind. She'll again think... think of him. Sa dami ng magaganda naming kaklase, hindi niya naman ako mapapansin. Bakit ko pa isusuot ito?

           Everyday, she would interact with other people, but she would always be looking for him. She'll think she could never end a day without him. Ironic how much women would go for what they want. It's a mere sign of desperation for men. But for her... it's an unexplainable thirst for someone's affection. His affection. Kahit kaunti.

               There she goes.. searching every ground. While making her way to him.. she'd think. Nakita niya kaya na pinaayos ko ang buhok ko. Eh, itong bag kong hikaw, napansin niya ba? Mukha na ba akong babae sa kanya? Siya at siya lang naman ang makabubuo sa araw ko. She's got her hopes up, got them up to there. Every fantasy with him will play through her mind like a box office mental picture. By that thought of being with him, she smiles.

               That smile can light up darkness, the smile of hope. But just like every light, her sparkle fades. It's not too long until it does. Walang nagliliwanag na hindi nawawalan ng ilaw. It's a matter of time before all the hope is gone, so is her smile.

               There he is, looking dashing as ever. Smiling again. That smile that made her heart skip a beat. How she loves to see his smile. But just as well as how bad she feels when he smiles for another. Ni hindi man lang nakita ang suot ko. Ni hindi man lang ako sinulyapan.

            Hours spent on choosing which dress to wear. Hours spent daydreaming wonderful moments she'd wish would would soon be memories... are all gone. In a bliss.

               She'd come home still with a smile. Not showing anyone how much she shatters inside. 

               She'd be in her room locked up. Crying all through the night. Crying in frustration, in failure, in desperation. Habang hinuhubas ang kanyang magandang bistida, habang binubura ang make-up na inilagay niya sa mukha, habang ginugulo ang nakaayos niyang buhok. Wala naman siyang pakialam. Bakit pa ba ako nag-abala?              

                 But she's a girl too. And girls never give up on their hopes. In the gray night... below the moon and the stars for the nth time, she thinks. She hopes. There will come a day, he will see her. He will notice her dress. He will love her imperfections... Someday, her fantasies will turn into the sweetest memories she can ever have.

               With a tear and a smile on her face. She sleeps. Into her own world, she travels. 

               Then wake up a new morning doing the same routine. Hoping this day will be the day. If not, she'll have more days to come. More dresses to put on. More dreams to live in. More smiles to fake. More hopes up there. 

But that day hasn't come to me yet. He never fails to make my heart beat fast when he smiles. After all those years. ... I still got my hopes up, got them up to there... wondering what to wear.

INSPIRED BY TAYLOR SWIFT'S UNRELEASED SONG "WHAT TO WEAR"