Charlie

Surpise!

It's weird facing reality. The reality that I'm going into highschool. The reality of saying goodbye to everything I knew before. Being a goofy immature schoolgirl who said fuck it and did whatever instead of working and keeping grades up. o knew I could skim by without much effort so I slacked. Got invested in useless drama that got some people hurt. That false confidence. Facing the reality of something I ignored for a while now. I brushed it off thinking I wouldn't make it a big deal. It's a phase thing no point in getting everyone stirred up. I know who's most likely to be reading this and well it might as well come out now. Ever since I was younger or younger than now. So around 2 maybe 3 years ago my mom told me when she was pregnant with me she was hoping for a boy but didn't care I came out a girl she loved me for me. But it got me thinking... what if I was a boy? Somehow I liked the idea. A lot. But Everytime I thought 'what if I was trans? I brushed it off. I felt i was to young to know for sure. but after some thinking. A lot of thinking and talking to my therapist and everything. And after hearing about the mass shooting in Orlando Florida. I couldn't brush it off anymore. I couldn't ignore it because I was worried about a false alarm cause now I'm sure it's not. I am a boy. I do feel extremely awkward being female and sexualy uncomfortable with myself being female. So I am now proud to say that I am now presenting as male. I even bought boy clothes and I'm getting a haircut soon. I am going to group therapy now which helps so much with how overwhelming it all is. I came out to family and now friends to those reading. But facing the reality is hard. Facing how different it feels being out. I feel like I'm having to face growing up head on and I don't know if I can mentally keep up. I have slowly started going by Charlie because it's masculine and I like it. A lot. I don't know much else to say right now. I feel overwhelmed so much though and writing it down helps. I hope this doesn't change things to much in a bad way. 

-Charlie