Windows & Walls

The one and only chapter

Once upon a time, there was a guy called Jovan. I knew him very well, in fact, I was him. Now, you're probably wondering why I'm talking about myself as someone else. Let me answer that.

When I was younger, I wasn't an easy child. I regularly had anger outbursts and couldn't concentrate because I always noticed everything. I was very intelligent, but got frustrated because I couldn't communicate my ideas to others. Luckily, this soon disappeared and by 5th grade I was the perfect student. Smart, obedient, willing and enthusiastic.

By 7th grade, I was depressed because (being an INFJ) I knew things about everyone that no one else did. I realised my friends weren't real and became a loner. At that time, I told myself that I'd never, ever do drugs, although I could clearly see the reasons to do so.

A few years later, I went to a rave with an old friend I knew from primary school. I took LSD for the first time and wrongly thought I finally knew what it's like to be free. I became trapped in a cage of drugs like crack, meth, shrooms and all the rest. This is where I became separate from myself.
I would literally woke up separate from myself and watched how I ruined my life.

It was like there was a window separating me and the monster the drugs made me. Occasionally, I tried to smash this window, but I couldn't. It made no sound, it didn't hurt, I felt nothing, but I couldn't get through. I just wanted to run to him, embrace him. Tell him it'll be fine, things will get better, it never did.

At the funeral, everyone said nice things about me, some of which I didn't even know of. But I knew it wasn't about the person in the coffin, rather about the memories, and I was just sad, because I knew I wasn't the only one.
Drugs have taken many people like me and it was taking over the world.