I remember having a relatively happy childhood. Loving parents, lots of friends, going all over the place in my city, everything. We were never rich but damn, did it feel that way.
I don't remember when it happened but at some point life just went downhill. The same loving parents from my youth weren't what my child mind made them out to be. They turned out to be harsh, unsupportive and unapologetic. I began questioning my existence on this earth. I realized my sexuality wasn't the "norm". I sank down the spiraling pit of depression that I still struggle to drag myself out of. Overall, you could say I was more sad and confused than usual.
From a young age, I was told I was intelligent and praised. Now, I'm average among my peers and tossed aside. I'm seen without value, without purpose. The thing that hasn't led me to falling to my inevitable doom is my closest friends and hobbies. There are too many times where I have thought,'Today is the day I die. I have the note, the pills and nothing to lose'.
However, every time I pull myself out. Whether it's because I say my friends would miss me, mourn over me, need me or I think of something a tribal as missing an episode of a show I like. Either way, it's helped me survive. I'm thankful that no one has told me to kill myself during those long periods of depression because knowing myself, I might have actually gone along with it. I was/am so blind by depression that given the chance, I might commit suicide.
This is my warning to you: NEVER tell someone to kill themselves because you don't know what mindset that person is in. Depression blinds you. It lies to you, saying that you have no value. You do, you might be aware now but we all have value and potential. So please, don't kill yourself tonight, okay?
