In Maya's Mind

My Almost Love

" Lucas we will always be there for each other." Riley said sustainly.(to me)" You stepped back. I know you stepped back." She looked at both of us then there she went with Farkle. She walked with a little bit of a stomp. I looked at them meaningfully, even though neither of them noticed, I'm guessing, and hoping.
" What's going on," Lucas threw his hands half way up, confused.
" I don't know," I said, even though I did. I just didn't have the heart to tell him, even though Riley already tried. He took off his hat and began to sit down.
" I'm her brother now?" Lucas questioned rhetorically, still confused.
" Apparently" I said, wanting to cry, but keeping the strong side of me to win. I kind of felt bad for Riley. She gave up her boyfriend and made him her brother for me. I always thought she knew how she loved him, before all this mess.
" You like me?" he questioned, this time wanting an answer. I wanted to keep convincing him I didn't, even though I knew that was impossible, but I tried.
" No," I answered him blankly without even looking at him.
" Maya, why didn't you want me to ride in the rodeo?" He again questioned wanting an answer. I made my face seem sly. I still tried to keep up the act of me not liking him. I had to come up with something fast.
" Because, I didn't want you to win, and get all conceited," I knew from that moment he knew for sure that I liked him. I couldn't keep up the act much longer. If someone else were watching they probably would have laughed. I know it seems funny but this is the game of life, and there isn't always a fair fight.
" I don't think that's it," he said with a kind of worried look on his face. I still tried to avoid eye contact, even though it was almost impossible.
" I don't think that's it," I said in a funny country voice, mocking him, trying to change the mood.
" I don't talk like that I just don't." He was upset with me. I finally met his eyes. Trying to make up for it. I still wouldn't confess to my secret, even though he knew," Why do you see me like that," I was upset he thought that I did, but he only had a little time to think about it.
    I burst in as soon as he said it," Of course I don't see you like that, can we just- can we just look at this fire, please."I was upset now . Close to tears. But this time I was the one with only a little time to think about it.
"Yes!" he said a little demandingly. I sat down on what ( at the beginning of this bonfire) was Zay's seat. I was only able to watch the fire for a second after I got settled in, because I noticed him looking at me through the corner of my eye.
I took my hand out from under my chin and said," Stop!" He gave me an innocent look as I looked back at the fire and put my hand back under my chin. He looked back over at me. I noticed, and gave him a look that said "stop" louder. He glanced back at me one more time. I saw." Can we just stop, I just want everything to stop, it's been bad enough I've been keeping this secret from Riley all this time." I said with an anger and a tear in my voice.
" What secret?"
I was very upset so I just opened up to him." You guys are so much alike. I thought you guys were just like brother and sister ,too." Now I just wanted to cry.
Of course he just had to ask," Why?"
    I thought about this question for a moment, then answered sadly, and blankly," You're at your best when you're just talking to each other, looking out for each other. That's what I believed but I kept it a secret. And now the secret's out so I don't have to carry it around with me anymore. I just don't want to have any more secrets from her." I was almost on the verge of crying.
"So you don't make fun of me because you like me?" I was really confused myself.
He stood there with a questioning look on his face until I said,frustrated,"I'm just gonna watch this fire." Again I was on the verge of crying when I just had to," Because you're easy to make fun of!"
    He had no time to think about what to say so he just said," Okay then stop!"
    He wasn't mean about it, but I continued," Because you're a Huckleberry, because you're a Ranger Rick!"-
    "Would you stop!" He said, now getting angry. ----
    "Look if I had feelings for you don't you think I'd just come right out and say it! Well I don't so what I do say is HAR-HAR-" He gripped me and held me. He pulled me close. I gasped as he grasped.We were alone now. I didn't know if he was gonna kiss me or not. Either way I probably wouldn't have the appropriate reaction.
He looked deep into my eyes, unknowing. I stood there doing the same thing, unknowing. I felt a small anger in his eyes, even hard to see under the unknowingness. I felt a small anger in my heart. Even hard for me to see through my unknowingness and fear, of what would happen next. No matter what it was I wouldn't know how it would effect my friendship with Riley.
We've had our fights that I had to hide it. During those moments was the time I thought most about how much I like him. We were both close to Riley. We were close as friends ,too. I didn't want to ruin both our friendships with Riley. I didn't want to ruin our friendship with each other. Deep down I knew that threw his love for Riley he liked me a little ,too. We stood there for what seemed to be days even as it was only a few seconds that each felt as 1 day.
    He released. "Why did you do that?" I was mearly crying at the back of my throat. I was sad, that he didn't kiss me. More sad than not. But I was happy ,too. I didn't want Riley to know, but I felt as though she would, very soon." I don't know I just wanted you to stop!" I kind of hated him for that. I couldn't think of what to say for a few seconds.