the cracks in all are beautiful flaws

chapter 1 my therapist

I walked into my therapists room for the first time I know I should have came sooner but i just couldn't bring myself to it I just couldn't tell my story all over . My tear ducts fill up and over flow just thinking about it all. I have been thinking to hard this week on stuff i shouldn't be. Its literally eating me from the inside jus thinking about my whole story and how I got here I'll tell u about that later. I sat in a cozy white furred chair comfy enough I suggested as I settled in getting comfy . I scanned the room looking for Kleenexes and spotted them right next to me in a little brown end table it had incredible detail it was amazing. I reached over and grabbed a Kleenex to pat away my tears as my therapist walked in. I tried my best to make it look like I hadn't let lose on the fucking nigra falls for Christ sake but of course she noticed scoffing at the sight of my black hair and pierceings , with my red eyes puffy from crying so much, I had quite medium skin I guess pale but sorta of olivey . Well fuck you to I thought. And they wonder why I didn't want to do this shit is cause none of you give a fuck anyway I mumbled. What was that my therapist asked. Hi my name is Angelina but u can call me angey,Ange,or Lina, I don't honestly care I replyed with a snotty attitude. That's what I thought u said she chuckled while staring at me in disgust, disapproval, and disappointment.Yes I shouted alot louder then I intended to I have piercings and I have black hair and I wear dark clothing that has holes sometime does it look like I care what Ur stuck up snotty ass thinks no I have a kid and I'm barely making it bye so u could put away oh I'm so better then everyone else and I'm super fucking rich card and quit staring at me OK .She just stared at me mouth gaping. And shout your mouth I added before u swallow a bug and choke. I smirked at what I have said as she smacks her jaw shut and continues on with what she was doing until she was ready to continue. Well Ange do u understand why you have therapy in the first place she stated.Yes I shot back. Would u like to state why you are in here. No I mumbled.Well she continued you are aware that you have been sent here because of suicidal actions right . yeah I responded .And that you went to the hospital and almost died because of it. Yessss I responded snappy looking down at the scars on my wrist pulling my chemical romance hoodies sleeves down more to hide them, as I start to tear up . Would u like some water she ask by the way I'm not as bad as I seem to be I swear jus a lot on my mind , my name is Deborah. Yes please debroah I smile slightly wiping a Kleenex under my eyes catching my flow of tears I start feeling a little bad for snapping at her like that earlier only a little though. Godammit my eyeliner and mascara are royally fucked. Debroahs assistant brought me a glass of water and a new box of tissues smiled kindly at me then walked out. Thanks I called after her. Now Deborah said the court set you up with me as a therapists so I can try and help you through this and understand what's going on and why you are thinking and doing these things OK she asks. OK I mutter. I'll need to know your story if that's all right with you to share it she questioned. Its fine I managed a fake small smile.OK I toke a deep breath here we go, and teared up a bit getting ready to share my whole story for the first time as I get comfy so does Deborah realizing this is going to take awhile I begin ,as Deborah called to her assistant to get more food and more to drink. OK I start it all started out when I was a new girl in my new school and I met the most amazing girl ever (Chelsea angles)..............................