Monsters Inside My Head

I Didn't Know I Was Sick - The Snake

This monster is sly, clever, and extremely patient--a snake that squeezes the life out of me.

It sneaks up on me and slowly breaks me down until I can't move.

I thought Maybe I'm just lazy--that's how teenagers are, right?

No, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.

But I was wrong.

Everything I loved doing became boring and pointless

nothing interested me; I just didn't care

yet I still didn't want to fail.

Days passed when I felt nothing--my chest heavy, sometimes making it hard to breathe

anger took control, then shame--I hated myself (I still do).

My energy drained like blood from a leech with each passing day

I am a failure

This one thought occupied my mind constantly, eating me alive inside

but I could not tell a soul--what would I say?

Instead, I smile and pretend to be ok.

Strangely enough, another monster barely kept me going.

It wracked my body with irrational fear that consumed my every thought

my heart pounded uncontrollably and my hands shook; sometimes I felt ill.

I'd rather be energized by fear than be consumed by a numbing hollowness.

But god how I hated myself

Every mistake consumed me

I was nothing but a screw up

I was fat,

ugly,

stupid,

and a miserable failure.

But I thought this was normal.

I didn't realize I was sick.