Evil in you

Whiplash

Antti had been assigned to the Cell for pennance. He hadn't been commanded to flagellate, but he did anyway. He did it because he knew he had to. Sin was in his nature, and corporal punishment was the most effective way of reminding him of this. He had made the scourge himself.

His back had long become a nerveless mat of scar tissue; successful and meaningful self-correction required an ever-increasing amount of force, though Antti was more than happy to apply it to himself. He had evil inside, and if he didn't control it he knew it would overwhelm him. The hooks that bit into his flesh and tore free bleeding chunks hurt - it was agony - but beneath that was the deep knowledge and indeed the deeper truth that this was for his benefit.

He knew that it was only by the grace and mercy of his Lord and Master that he was allowed to stay in the house. It was his purpose in life to serve the Lord and his family, lowly as he was. They were so far above and beyond him as to be almost beyond comprehension to one so lowly ass he. Indeed, that was why he was in the Cell this particular day.

The Young Master - whom Antti was forbidden to refer to by name; as it should be - had requested a towel to dry himself after bathing and, as is to be expected, Antti had averted his eyes to preserve the Young Master's modesty. When the Young Master had said that it was acceptable to look again Antti had been horrified to see that he was still uncovered. Antti's age and infirmity was such that he was unable to look away in time, bringing shame on the Young Master and evil into his own heart. For this he pleaded for the Cell, and was duly sent there for his transgression.

Antti had served his Lord ever since he had been a child, and his father and his father before had served the family long beyond living memory. He had seen the Lord when he had been young - helped to raise him, in fact - and indeed helped to deliver the Young Master and the Young Mistress, his sister. Though Antti knew that he would never share the blessings that the Lord and his family enjoyed, he felt privileged in simply being allowed to serve and knew that, despite his inherent evil, he could still be of some use to the righteous.

The Lord and his family were divinely ordained protectors of the natural order; holy warriors entrusted with the divine means to deliver the Will of the Supreme. They donned the sacred, invulnerable armour that had been held by the family for centuries and brought the light of the sacred to the unworthy heathen - cleansing those who resisted and releasing those who converted from the embrace of their false beliefs and from their worthless lives. Antti and his lineage, by contrast, was profane and corrupt, yet such was the Lord's mercy that he allowed him opportunity to prove himself. It was to be a shadow in a house full of light; unnatural and out of place – an unfortunate side-effect, but still serving some purpose at least.

Antti suppressed a whimper as the scourge landed again, flaying him to the bone. He bit his lip to keep from crying out; weakness of the flesh was his weakness alone, and others should not be troubled to hear his mewlings. It was bad enough they had to tolerate seeing him, such a pitiful sight he must have been.

At least he could be content in knowing that, while he pondered the nature of his offense, his tasks were still being taken care of. It was good to know work was not being left undone, though he was wracked with guilt at the thought that his burden was being unfairly shared with the other servants. It had, after all, been his fault.

The Lord had explained some time ago that letting him continue to perform his tasks while in penance would be a distraction for himeslf and the other servants. Antti understood the logic, but it still sat uncomfortably with him. He lived to serve, even if his life was unworthy.

Eventually exhaustion caught up with Antti and he had to stop. Blood running down his arms, he moved to the corner of the cell and cleaned himself as best he could with the standing water he found there in a grimy puddle of runoff from the damp walls. There was ritual to his ablutions, and though he knew the water could well corrupt his flesh he would welcome it; as it would simply be another sign of his sinful nature. The Lord had means and methods of curing the flesh anyway, and while Antti would be chastised for allowing his wounds to become infected he would be healed all the same, wretched as he was.

Shivering in cold and pain, Antti curled up in the corner and closed his eyes, falling to sleep almost instantly. He would be released at dawn, he knew, and would return to work. He welcomed it, and smiled to himself as he slept.

Come the morning, he would be able to prove his faith.