the feeling of losing your bestfriend

this year I lost everyone. my family and my bestfriend. we've been best friends since fourth grade, but this year...I found out how her and the rest of the school feels about me. I thought about ending my life because of the things they said to me. they don't even know me enough to say that stuff! my friend Kayla was here, it was mother's day, and my niece was in the hospital for swallowing something acidic. I read everything they were saying, I cried, went to the bathroom and cut, and went to my room. when Kayla saw the blood drip onto my leg she started crying. everyone thought I had stopped. honestly, I still haven't stopped. I've tried, but every time someone hurts me. the last few weeks of school I tried to be invisible. I acted like nothing bothered me, but I would go to the bathroom in the middle of class and just cry. then I would fix my make up and walk out and joke around with people who pretended to like me. their words killed me. do you know how bad that hurts?!! I thought about homeschooling next year, but it's my freshmen year and my mom wants me to go so I don't ruin my social life. if rather just disappear.