Different

When I was younger, I used to be teased because of basically...who I am.

I was the lonely kid who sits in the corner during Sunday school. The one who eats all alone in the old playgrounds. The one with no friends and no one liked. I was just another kid who was left there to be taken care of for the duration of the day.

Every week I'd try my best to make other people happy...and I succeeded. But it only made the people around me think that I was trying too hard and therefore resulted them in hating me more.

I wanted to fit in with everybody else but I couldn't because I was too shy to converse and interact with them. Thus, making me look like the kind of kid who won't talk to anyone because they're just not worth my time.

I also didn't have anyone around my age to talk to. Everyone else at school or church was at least 3 or 4 years older than me. They called me, "Child genius."

Sure I was smarter than kids who were older than me but, is that a reason to dislike me? I didn't know at that time but now, I somehow know.

Despite my lonely and shy nature, I had a huge attitude. I'm arrogant, selfish, and insensitive to other people's feelings. I've had those traits ever since I was young till now. I still find it troublesome at times.

And because of this, no one wanted to come near me in fear of being compared or judged. This was the reason why I had no friends at all.

I tried fixing my problem by being more silent and isolated from any groups. But it seems that they only find this attitude to be rude and arrogant. Bam. More people who have instantly disliked me. Joy.

And so...I thought that if I never socialised with anyone, I can restart on a clean slate again.

I did that for the next two years...

When I finally turned 10, I've found myself participating in more activities held by the school and our church. I thought that I was finally going to gain "new" friends. Big mistake.

My "all-high-and-mighty" attitude came back but fortunately, I had time to tell myself, "Oi. Stop. You're doing it again." And managed to revert everything back to normal. Not for long.

I did get friends. And for once, they were actually the same age as I was. I cherished them so much because they were the first real friends I've ever had. We'd get into trouble together, achieve things I've never achieved alone, it was all well. But...as every unfortunate story, there always has to be a twist.

Throughout the years, one by one, my friends started to leave because of different reasons. It was either they had to leave because of family problems, moving countries, or they were recruited for the nationals in soccer or whatever sport they played. They all left until there were only two of us left. Fortunately, we stayed friends for another year. During that time we joined a soccer club, won championships and basically we became the bestest of friends. And now would be the time to introduce another twist.

I was to leave and migrate to another country.

And as much as I wanted to stay...I couldn't. Well, I had no choice really. My family had this planned out for more than 6 years. It was inevitable.

So, yes. We threw a farewell party and I said my goodbyes to my team mates. I never knew what happened and why it happened but, my friend...the person who knew me so well...wasn't there. Wasn't even there to bid me goodbye, give me a last embrace, last few words of encouragement...nothing. So, I sat there, being bombarded with comments about how bad the girl's team will be now that I'll be leaving...but I just can't give a shit. To hell with the world. I didn't even know why I was being affected by this. I'm used to it. Why should I care? If the feeling of rejection isn't unknown then why should I be bothered?

I never got a text, message, or call from her ever since.

The night ended and I woke up, ready for our flight.

We were driven to the airport by one of our close family friends. We waved goodbye and went towards the departure area.

A few hours later...we were on the plane. As usual, I picked the seat beside the window because I've always liked the view. It made me feel like a bird. Flying over any obstacle. Sadly, I'm not a bird. I was only a mere human gazing out from an airplane window. Trying to take my kind off things, I wondered if sleeping will do me any good. I decided that it would...

...since I can just get lost in a dream where everything was alright. Even if it only gave me temporary relief...I'll be happy.

So then...I fell into the dark abyss where fantasy can be reality...

(Basically, I fell asleep. I just wanted to make it sound dramatic.)