Learning to Accept

LEARNING TO ACCEPT

"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely." -C.G.Jung

It was Thursday afternoon and the sun was peeking through the clouds. It was unusually warm for an autumn day, but the birds seemed happy and at ease. Mark was lying on his back on the grass at Greenvale Park. His eyes were filled with a wonder that could only be seen from a child. He was staring at the clouds, making shapes with his mind. This made him feel safe and alone. Mark fell asleep with the sweet sounds of the Yellow Golden Thrushes call.

"Honey, time to wake up." Marks mother was looming above him. Mark rubbed his eyes and sat up, brushing the leaves from the floor out of his hair. It was now evening and Mark's stomach was growling. He had been laying there for many hours now. But he couldn't go back now, his dignity was at stake and this was the last thing that Mark had, and he wasn't going to lose it now.

Mark's eyes darted around, his mother had chosen to seat herself on a nearby bench and she was checking her phone. 'How did she find me?' Mark wondered, he had hidden his tracks well, at least he thought he did. Then he remembered, the lighter. He had forgotten to hide the lighter. "Mum, I'm sor." He began to say. His mother looked over at her son. He was sitting cross-legged and staring at his hands, which were neatly folded in his lap.

"Oh, my poor kitten." Was her reply. She knew what he had done and she knew it was bad. Mark lay back down on the floor. His eyes squeezed shut as the sun gleamed all over his face. His mother came to sit at his side. She then carefully, laid next to her son. She looked over at him. He looked so peaceful and calm. She had created that, and it was perfect. Mark's mother cupped her and laid it to rest on Mark's forehead. Mark noticed this movement and quickly adjusted his body so that he was facing his mum. His eyes gleamed open.

A single small tear rolled down his cheek. Mark felt distraught, many emotions were flowing throughout his being and he couldn't control them. There were moments of sheer terror, followed by sharp outbursts of anger. With a shaking finger, Mark's mother wiped the tear from her son's cheek. More followed. Soon, both Mark and his mother were weeping, they were clutching each other, with the sheer will of determination.

To passers-by, this may have seemed a strange sight, however this didn't faze the pair in the slightest. They hung onto each other as if these were their last moments on the earth. But it wasn't. Soon, evening became night and the air started to chill. The bird's sweet calls were now replaced by frequent bat shrieks, whispers at first, then to recognisable yelps. The sun was setting and the sun produced a purple glow on everything that its rays touched.

Mark fell asleep, with his mother clutching him like a newborn. Although this pair were very different in so many ways, they had one strong bond. Their deep and hidden insecurities. For it was here, that Louise felt truly accepted and that no-one could judge her. She didn't know this, but Mark had been feeling similar things to her, he too was facing the gruelling struggle of caring what other's thought. So much so that he had nearly ended it all. All of it.

'There was so much to live for.' Louise didn't understand how her son had almost killed himself. Suddenly a pang of guilt stuck Louise's heart. 'What if it was her fault?' Her mind was whizzing, her body was frantic. She stacked up more and more reasons why she could be to blame for his recent dance with death. It was suddenly all too much for this small woman of 5"3 to take. Now, she didn't stop her welling emotions from coming out and she let of a loud roar coming from deep within her.

Mark woke up to the soft sound of his mother sobbing into her hands. Surprisingly he hadn't been roused by his mother's previous uncontrollable yelp. He sat up and carefully aided his mother to stand up. Without saying a word, Mark carried his mother over the short 200m journey towards their small apartment town house. As they entered the front door, Louise looked up, gratefully at her son. He was her true knight in shining armour.

It was at this moment that Louise realised that she didn't need the approval of a man to please and satisfy her. She had been rejected so many times by complete losers that she had had enough. Louise had accepted who she was, and no-one was going to stop her from achieving her goals now. She knew that her whole life would be better if she only cared what she thought of herself. And if she got the opinion from a man, it would be only from the most important one in her life, Mark.

Mark's train of thought was akin to his mothers. He too wanted to accept himself, for both his benefit and for his mother. She needed him more than he thought she did, and Mark wanted to be there to take care of her in her moments of doubt. If it wasn't for her, he would be dead, his skin charred and his house alight. Mark was going to accept himself, no matter of how today's media portrayed the ideal image and intelligence of a person. Mark was Mark and he was okay with that.

The mother and son, shared a glance in the others direction. Almost immediately a smile appeared on both of their faces. "Mark-." Louise started, then she stopped, because Mark was holding up his hand. He then ran towards his mother and they embraced. "Thank you, Mum!" mark was choking up as he said this.

It was the next morning, and Mark's dreams throughout his slumber were all focused on the previous day. He thought; 'The lighter wasn't even the worst part. Accepting myself for who I truly am, now that was terrifying!' Mark muttered to himself, whilst looking to his mother, who was sitting on the opposite side of the couch; "Mum, I know I have only spent 17 years with you, but I want to stay with you for many to come!"

At this moment Louise turned away from her paper to face Mark. "What was that?" she said. "Just that I love you Mum!" he responded. And all was good.