Otaku Journal

FUNNY CRACK -- CRAP

I literally have a Google Docs focused on funny sayings and memes. So here's a couple. I only own a couple of them.

Dear Face Wash Commercials,
Nobody splashes water on their face like that
Sincerely, my whole bathroom is wet now

I don't hate you. It's just if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

I don't hate you. It's just if you got hit by a bus, I would be the one driving it.

School= Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives
Class= Come Late And Start Sleeping
Finals= Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit

Don't know something: Google it.
Don't know someone: Facebook it.
Can't find something: MOM!!!

Teacher: With all that talking I can assume that you are done.
Flare: With all that complaining I can only assume that you're single.

Oh, I'm late to class? Please stare at me like I killed 5 people.

I will not take a bullet for someone. If I have enough time to jump in front of the bullet, then you have time to move.

Dear Math,
Grow up and solve your own problems! Forget about your X! Move on dude! She's gone!

I hate it when flies rub their hands together as if their plotting to ruin my life. Those bastards.

Dear Students,
I know you're texting in class. Nobody looks down at their crotch and smiles.
Sincerely, Your Teacher

When I see lovers names carved into trees, I don't think it's cute. I think it's weird how many people bring knives on dates.

Clearly Voldemorts parents took the 'I got your nose' game a little too seriously.

There are three different laughs:
1. The cute laugh/giggle
2. The normal laugh
3. The constipated hyena laugh

Teacher: Will all the boys come out in the hall for a second?
Boys: *Walks out*
Me: First of all, I'm pretty sure half the people that went out weren't guys, and second of all, GIRL PARTY, GET YO TAMPONS OUT!

No matter how fast you run, the killer will always run faster

I just stepped on cereal this morning. Does this make me a cereal killer?

I was smart.....then math happened....

When you open the door for someone:
Teenagers: Thanks.
Adults: Thank you.
Elderly: My goodness! Thank you young one. Everyone look at this young man/woman. Thank this man/woman for his/her help with the community. May the lord bless you.

*Parent yells at you for half an hour*
Parent: Why are you crying?

Two Feet In The Blanket - Too Hot
Two Feet Out Of The Blanket - Too Cold
One Foot In And One Foot Out Of a The Blanket - Just Right, That Is Until The Demon From Paranormal Activity Comes To Drag You To Hell.

Son: Hey dad what's for dinner?
Dad: I'm going to fuck the shit out of you tonight. I'll make sure that all my friends takes a turn on you. You are going go wish that you were never my son.
Son: WHAT?!
Dad: Autocorrect. We're going to have Steak and Rise.
Son: 0-0