My name is Rose. I look like a rose. Smell like a rose. Talk like a rose and I really fucking hate this place. The view, the scent, and all the conversations. I hate them all. Red really is a bold color isn’t it. I was left on a door step of some wealthy guy. Bill something, I don’t know but I surely don’t care because he turned me in and now I live where roses don’t grow because I don’t seem to be going anywhere. I live in Florida. I lied roses do grow here but I really don’t know where I’m going. I’m in 11th grade and I haven’t spoken to a soul since 2nd. I honestly believe everyone thinks I’m mute. Well I’m just totally fucked for college and oral exams aren’t I.
Tonight’s the night, just like every other night, I decide if I want to wake up in the same place and continue with same routine. I can leave. I can go where ever I want. I can choose what kind of life I want to live now that I experienced the kind of life I’m sure as hell not going to live. Anyone can, you just have to know where you’re going and I’m not completely sure about that yet.
You know when someone says that they “Don’t belong here” but it’s just them being muddled and is most likely just them being in a sensitive state of mind at the moment. Well I’m always in a sensitive state of mind and I never belonged here. I know I don’t. I know I’m not a part of this species and if there is a God, he placed me on the wrong planet, possibly even the wrong universe. My body may be the similar to everyone here but I know for sure my mind and soul is nowhere near this damn planet. I want to be a intrustment of deeper purpose.I can't live life played the same as everyone else.
I live in blossom trail and go to school at John western High. Some name isn’t. The name of the school of hell and all within.
Monday 7:00am January 7th
“Rose, wake up dear you’re going to be late again”
“fuck to the no”
“What dear, did you say you want eggs? I’ll get right to it my love”
I sit up, rub the sleepiness out of my eyes and I take a strong gaze out the window, I look at the trees, the houses, the lawns, the clouds. I sigh, still the same as always. Only 96 more days till my morning gazes won't be of the same views. My silent thought that I was entirely absorbed in is interrupted with the steps of Sandra walking up the stairs. I know she's coming to my room.
She opens the door and walks in the with a plate of eggs.
“Oh dear, sweetie you need to get dressed I don’t want you to be late again”
“Sandra, don’t worry. I won’t be”
“ I really wish you would stop calling me that and call me mom”
I stumble out of bed and grab a pair of sweat pants that were hanging off my chair.
Sandra walks around and starts cleaning up my room
“You know I swear it’s like every time I come in here you had…activities… Going on the night before.” she says as she picks up my underwear from the floor.
“Yes because I have sooo many friends” I say slow and sarcastically as I pull a pale blue sweater over my head.
My mother stops what she’s doing and walks over to me and places a soft hand on my shoulder.
“I’m your friend”
My face turns from tired to what the hell did this woman just say to me.
“Are you serious right now”
I ignore her hand and I let it fall from my shoulder as I walk out the room, down the stairs and through the kitchen with her following me from behind.
“What about your eggs dear!” She yells as I walk out the front door
“Throw it in the yard; I heard it’s a good fertilizer”
I close the door and as I start to lock it I start thinking to myself that she probably will do that since the definition of her existence is oblivion and she doesn't watch much TV. I take the key out the door and I open the gate that leads out from my house to the genuine good ole’ world that I live in and I start walking the same path I do every day. Ha genuine my ass.
I walk through the same view as I do every day, smelling the same smells, observing the same trees, and feeling the same humidity that defines Florida, Florida.
I hop on the city bus and I sit next to the same hobo as I do every morning. Smelling the same smell, and looking at the same clothes. He can't help it but damn it does rain every once in a awhile.
I hop off the bus and I walk the half a block to school. Walking past the same kids, smoking the same Mary J every morning, and talking about the same thing. Going through the same process of the eerie undersized sophomores asking me the same question.
"Hey rosie, wanna smoke?"
I don't acknowledge them as always and I walk passed them thinking to myself how senseless these broods are.
As you can tell, the same damn things happen every damn day.
I walk up the stairs and I get ready to enter the underworld. Where Hades and all his descendants wait for me to fill me with nonsense that I know I’ll never use in my time being stuck on this abyss planet.
I open the big bulky brown doors and right as I step into Wester John High, a fight breaks out.
"stupid" I whisper to myself.
"So you do speak"
