ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MIDGET NAME LEVI WHO LIVED IN PONYVILLEHE LOVED TO CLEAN AND SPENT MOST OF HIS DAY CLEANING. BUT ONE DAY HIS FRIENDS WERE EATEN ALIVE AND HIS MOTHER WAS SACRIFICED TO THE TITANS BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT WAS AN ASS SO THEN HE BECAME HUMANITY'S STRONGEST IN THE SURVEY CORPS AND HIS SQUAD DIED EXCEPT A TITAN SHIFTER NAMED EREN AND EREN WAS REALLY STUPID SO LEVI BOUGHT HIM A SISTER NAMED MIKASA AND A FRIEND NAMED ARMIN WHO WAS PAYED TO BE EREN'S FRIEND BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES HIM AND LEVI WAS SAD WHICH WAS SURPRISING CUZ HE HAS NO EMOTIONS AND THEN LEVI BOUGHT HIMSELF A CAT BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANNA BE LONELY AND SANG HIS CAT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT BECAUSE HE HAS NO LIFE BUT THEN ERWIN TRUSTED LEVI TO KILL THE APE TITAN AND LEVI WAS A BADASS SO HE DID BUT BUT A KAWAII TITAN AVENGED IT'S FATHER THE APE TITAN AND KILLED PEOPLE
SO LEVI KILLED IT AND HANJI'S DREAMS WERE CRUSHED AND LEVI REALIZED THE TRUE MEANING OF LIFE AND HE SMILED FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE HIS SQUAD DIED HE SMILED HE SMILED THE SMILED THAT COULD CURE CANCER AND IT DID CURE CANCER BECAUSE IT WAS SO PRETTY AND SHERLY DIED OF A NOSEBLEED BUT THEN TRAGEDY STRUCK THE SLAYERS OF THE WORLD LOST THEIR QUEEN SHERLY TO A MASSIVE NOSEBLEED CAUSE HOT DAMN HIS SMILE WAS HELLA FINEEEEEE. ANYWAY THE SLAYERS LOST THEIR QUEEN AND TO GO TO LT. COLONEL SALLY FOR HELP SALLY CALLED LEVI AND HANJI AND THEY MADE SCIENCE SHIT HAPPEN AND SHERLY CAME BACK TO LIFE BUT THEN EREN ACCIDENTALLY ATE SHERLY SO THEN I ROCK CLIMBED UP HIS THROAT AND CAME OUT THE LION KING WAY BUT THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT SO WELL SOOOO SHERLY DROWNED IN WHATEVER WAS IN EREN'S STOMACH SO THEN THE SLAYERS GOT MAD AT EREN AND AVENGED MA DEATH BUT THEN EREN SET HIMSELF ON FIRE AND LEVI CUT HIM OUT OF THE NAPE AND THE SLAYERS CALLED HIM THE NEW KING BUT THEN ARMIN FARTED BUT LEVI WAS AN ASS SO THEY DECIDED TO MAKE FARTY ARMIN KING CUZ HE'S SO BAEEEE BUUUUT ARMIN RAN AWAY BECAUSE HE TOO PURE TO BE KING SO THEY MADE HANJI KING BUT ABANDONED THEM BC THEY KEPT TRYING TO EXPERIMENT ON PEOPLE BUY HANJI MARRIED A TITAN SOO THE SLAYERS SAID BYE FELICIA SO THE SLAYERS BROKE THE FOURTH WALL AND TOOK OVER THE WORLD SORT OF BC VAMPIRE QUEEN CHICK KRUL FUCKING TEPES DIDNT WANT THEM TO TAKE OVER HER WORLD SO THEY HAD A MASSIVE WAR AND LEVI AND SALLY AND SASAKI MADE THINGS GO BOOM BOOM AND THEY FOUND OUT SHERLY WAS AUSTRALIAN AND THAT EXPLAINED WHY THE SLAYERS GREETED EVERYONE LIKE "OIIIII G'DAY M8 HOW YA DOIN?! U LIKE BEEF ON THE BARBIE, M8?!" YEP AND THAT'S HOW LEVI WENT FROM PONYVILLE TO SPACE TERRORIST KING THE FUCKING END
