Before We Had Sex.

Safe Sex

I thought that I knew everything there was to know about safe sex.
Always wear a condom,
Always stay safe,
And never ever get pregnant.
But apparently what I needed to use more than sexual protection is mental protection.
Because I just can't stop thinking about you.
You have me lying awake at night raking my brain for answers to questions like
Was I not good enough for him?
Or even better
How could I be so fucking stupid?
My parents taught me about the drugs in the street; but never the ones with big brown eyes and a heartbeat.
My momma always said that my body was a temple, and to never let anyone in that hadn't taken the proper time to wait and worship it and sometimes I just wish that I had taken some time and listened to her more often. But I didn't. I listened to you. Which wouldn't have been so bad if your 'love' for me was really true.
You know my daddy said 'patience is a virtue.' But you said
Oh baby I'd never wanna hurt you.

But you did.
You fucked me over and left me completely fucking stranded in a whirl wind of memories.
Its gotten so bad that even sleep doesn't help the tiredness that I feel; but I just have to get up the next day and keep on living because the world doesn't stop for any of us.
And it was 3 a.m. last night, when I realized that I couldn't miss you anymore. I can't. I don't want too. You weren't just a star to me you were my whole damn sky. you are never coming back and I am honestly trying my best to be okay with that.
But I really wish that you would've made it clear and told me that I didn't matter to you and what I really meant.
Before we had sex.