I just lost the love of my life. Don't be like everyone else and say I don't have the right to be depressed. Don't say I'm still seventeen and I still have hope. Don't say there are people out there who have it worse. I know all of that already and I don't need to hear it from someone else who doesn't understand. I have the right to be sad.
You feel absolutely terrible and you feel like dying and then life blesses you with your true love. Someone you felt safe with and you felt like they were your net in life that catches you when you fall down, then you lose it all in a matter of seconds with only a few words. "Good bye." Why? How would you feel?
After two years of dating and getting so used to that safe feeling, then you fall, losing your grasp on the light and the happiness. Then you plummet back into the darkness and the depression. It starts to feel even worse than before because you became so used to the happiness. I hate it, I hate this. I want to die.
I heard a knock on the door. I put down my blade that had only seconds ago cut me vertically up my arm. I put it in my bathroom drawer and went to the door to see who it was. I was alone at home and if it were my older brother he would have his key, same with my mother.
I opened the door and saw my neighbor with her six year old little girl.
"Hey Crystal, is your mom home?" She asked.
"No I'm all alone, can I take a message?"
"I need someone to watch Jasmine; do you think you could do it?"
"Yeah sure, until when?"
"For about an hour."
"Okay."
I took her daughter by the hand and led her into the house and onto the couch as her mother left. I turned on some cartoons for her. I then went into the kitchen to make her some macaroni and cheese so I instinctively pulled up my sleeves so they wouldn't get dirty and cursed under my breathe. Jasmine, which was right next to me, had seen my scars.
She gently grabbed my arm and pulled it down to her forcing me to kneel to her height. He rubbed her cold finger along the cuts and scars and then looked me in the eyes.
"Have you been hurt?"
"Excuse me?"
"My sister had these on her arms too and she told me that when bad things happen to good people these marks get on them. Then she left and mommy said she went on a vacation somewhere better and she is happier there. You aren't going to leave are you?"
I started crying and grabbed her into my arms and started crying on her shoulder. I hated feeling like this and I hated that I was crying on a seven year olds shoulder because of my stupid emotions. I felt so sorry for her and I felt so sorry for myself. I spent a while sitting like that, crying. She didn't ask questions and she didn't move, she just let me sit there crying as she rubbed my back.
I looked her in the eye and she had tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong?" I asked her, pushing back my tears.
"Please don't leave."
I have never cried so much in my life, especially not in front of someone.
