Everything is a Choice

Introduction

Book 1 -  Sea

Introduction

Everything is a choice, everything we do. 

Her words, not mine; used to convince me not to kill Gisborne when I found him out to be the traitor he is; when I had the proof – a tattoo on his arm – that he tried to kill the king in the Holy Land and me right along with him.

And I made a choice, in the end; the one that saved Djaq, but spared Gisborne's life, so that one day he would claim the life of the woman I loved – Marian.

~

"You've got to be joking!" Much snorts.

"What?" Allan says, slinging the heavy leather bag over his shoulder with a tired grunt.

"Well, look at it." Much waves an arm at the boat in question. "You can't seriously tell me that hunk of junk will get us all the way to France."

"It's floating, isn't it," Allan cheerfully observes. "And there are no visible holes."   

"No, not on the bits above the waterline."

"Look, not being funny, but do you think the crew would be getting on board if they thought the boat was about to sink?"

"Actually," Much says, "they don't look like they give a damn."

"For Christ's sake you two," John barks, picking up his staff and a leather bag twice the size of Allan's.  "Shut up!"

"I was just saying."

"Well don't, all right."

I don't give a damn either.

~

They think I can't hear them, but I can. Talking, or should I say bickering, as if I'm not there. And in a way, I suppose I'm not, due to still being hung over and the fact I've been ignoring them for the past three days.  But the main reason is that I'm still there, with her, or I would be if I could.  Except she's buried under several feet of sand, and I'm sitting here in this blistering heat waiting for a boat to take me home.

I flick my eyes briefly in their direction, in time to catch three pairs of eyes staring back at me.  They quickly turn their heads away, but not so fast that I do not catch the embarrassment on their faces.  I don't blame them.  But I'm the embarrassment and have been for the past three days – my calm and considered goodbye to Will and Djaq and my bravado in front of King Richard, a complete sham. 

This is the real me, the one who's lost everything.  The one who doesn't give a damn.

~

They are talking again, but in muted voices this time; all I catch is the odd word, about the heat, and how long the journey will take this time round, and bets on how many times Much will throw up.  It's more likely I'll be the one to throw up, of course, and long before we even set foot on that boat. The three of them are shuffling their feet, unwilling to look in my direction, but knowing they need to make a decision about getting on that boat.

It's no good looking at me, I think. Right now, I can't even decide if I have the energy to stand, let alone get on board a boat that, as Much pointed out, has seen better days.  To be honest, I've reached the point where I figure they can go without me for all the use I'll be to them now. 

Gazing down at the sand lightly coating my boots, I notice a large black beetle worrying at the edges of my boots' worn soles. I idly wonder how long a man could sit here for; sit under this merciless sun without shade or water.  I ought to know the answer of course; this is the second time I've been here.  Is it hours, days, weeks even?  Don't be stupid, Robin. Not weeks, not even days.  Not without water. 

Sweat is pooling under my armpits and trickling down my back. I picture myself pitching forward into the blistering sand, the beetle scurrying away in fright.  

Then I hear it, through the dull throbbing at my temples and the heavy heat induced pounding of my heart.  One word.  One word that makes me come to my feet so fast the blood rushes to my head and I almost end up in the sand – Gisborne. And that one word, that one name alone, is enough to convince me that I have to get on that boat, even if I am to spend the entire journey alone and drunk in my cabin.  Because I have to get home to England and kill Guy of Gisborne. 

And after that?  Well, there is no after that.  I will kill Gisborne and it will be over.  Ended. Finished. Everything.

Because everything is a choice, and I have just made mine.