Love & BETRAYAL

Love and betrayal

I was feeling Tyeir and it began to seem as if every time we were on the right track something always popped up. We bounced right back to square one. Why was it so hard to make things work with us? I loved him with everything in me and I guess that was never enough, the mixed signals and the drama that came with him. Wondering was it all worth it? He was supposed to be my outlet, he was my outlet, Correction he USED to be my outlet. Nothing was the same anymore. It is crazy how we went from best friends, talking and texting 24/7, to not talking at all. We constantly checked up on one another, argued like cats and dogs only to make up at the end of the night. We argued and made up but now we argue and then don't speak for months. He was my outlet when things at home hit a rough patch. He was my outlet, when I felt alone with nobody to turn to. We went from having an amazing bond to not meaning anything to one another.. I honestly never knew it was possible to love somebody the way I loved him, I had already been through so much with relationships hell life itself. Unexpectedly I fell in love with him, the way we interacted I thought it was real. Every guy's favorite line is "I'm different, I'm not like the rest". As expected he tried to charm me with that. Of course I did not fall for it.,. I forced myself to push him away, constant arguing, accusations, being a female dog about everything. You know what brings tears to my eyes, still to this day? Last year around November he told me :
"if you are trying to push me away just stop ! its not going to work". Still I pushed and pushed until i couldn't fight it anymore , i was falling for this boy .. I don't know how but I fell in love with him. He showed me different and I fell for him.I remember Rechelle and her boo was going through it. I told her walk away from it because she deserved better. Sitting here thinking I wish I never gave the advice i gave because how is it that you can give advice to somebody that you won't even take for yourself? How could i tell her walk away from the one she loved , she might not admit it anytime soon but she loves that boy, i can see it in her eyes when she talks about him rather what she's saying equals up to good or bad i can see she loves that boy , why else would she stick around through the bullshit , every relationship has its issues but some aren't worth sticking around for unless you really love that person and hate the thought of seeing them with somebody else. I couldn't fathom the thought of him with somebody else so how could i tell somebody else to do just that? How could i be a hypocrite? Although this might sound weird i could never sit back and watch somebody hurt , physically , mentally or emotionally it hurts me to watch others hurt. So to watch my girl from middle school hurt i said what i felt needed to be said but it changed nothing and i now fully lowkey understand why nothing changed. She loved him like i loved Tyier. Has the question
" how can you hurt the one you love and or care for?" ever ran through your head? NO MATTER WHAT , NO EXCUSE WILL EVER PASS FOR THAT QUESTION . Its unacceptable i don't care what nobody says , if your not happy walk away , leave. Maybe my mindset is different from others but i've always had the mindset to not hurt the ones you love, and if that was my mindset why couldn't it be everybody elses? I wanted things to go back to the way it used to be so bad but i swear it seemed the more i tried the worst things got. I guess i should've appreciated him and the way things were, because now it feels like i'm on the
' Titantic and slowly but surely im sinking and he's not on this ship sinking with me. If your not officially cuffed but you are messing with somebody and they do you wrong is it considered cheating? If you invest time into somebody and they lie to you and make you feel anyway but the way you know your supposed to be feeling is that your fault or theirs? It might not have been my fault but i blamed myself. I still blame myself, i remember it like it was yesterday, Looking at my phone , eyes watering rereading the same message over and over again
"i can't do this with you anymore" "i can't do this with you anymore" "i can't do this with you anymore" I just kept reading this message over and over again thinking i'm hallucinating , wiping tears off my face because i'm sitting right next to my sister Shayanna and i didn't want her to hit me with "why are you crying child?" "you are weird" followed by that annoying laugh of hers. I had to hold it together. I remember calling tasha crying like my tears were endless, i felt so weak it made no sense here i was crying over somebody who was bound to do me wrong sooner or later, although i knew this i couldn't control my emotions from going north , south. west and east. I knew it was a matter of time i just didn't know my sooner was sooner than later. I asked myself thousands of questions trying to make excuses for what had happened, trying to give myself a better understanding of the situation. I couldn't though. * Six months later * *Phone Vibrates*
"What are we?" Said Alexander.
"What do you mean lol " Replied Hope.
Alexander : "I'm just saying don't have me in this group message looking dumb"
Hope : "I'm whatever you want me to be"
That night she learned how bad of a temper he had and it actually kind of frightened her, he wasn't her ordinary nigga he had a short temper, and didn't take bullshit from anybody, when she thought she was running the relationship, getting smart, and arguing just to get checked and put in her place, He cut that short. He made it known that he wasn't for all that arguing back and forth bullshit. Everything was good between Hope and Alexander at first then it seemed like they always argued over every little thing. Hope was frightened by him but her feelings for him were way too strong and she was in way too deep. So she figured she could handle it up until one day their argument got way out of hand