Jeff's diary

Friday

Hello diary. My name is Jeff Randell. This is my first entry, seeing as my last journal got filled up. Today's date is November 9th, 2018. I am 14 years old, soon to be 15. I attend Aberdale academy high school in Aberdale, Arizona.

Most of my classes this year are with my best friends, Sumo and Clarence. Most would think of that as an upside, but one of the classes I have with them is Health/Biology. This week and the week before we have been on a Unit about sex. I've been trying to pay attention and just think of it as gametes and zygotes and reproduction but I know too much for it to not relate to what has become to be a casual expression of passion. And it doesn't help that Clarence and Sumo wiggle their eyebrows at me whenever a sexual word comes up. I'm confused. Do they like me? Are they just playing? I've been attracted to Clarence since 5th grade when we learned about puberty in the first place. The video explained people starting to be romantically and physically attracted to other people. I thought, well I do really enjoy Clarence's body, and he has such a nice personality and pure heart. Oh gosh I really do love him. But I know from the hate my moms have gotten that being gay is unacceptable. I've been trying to hide it and act casual but our lessons in this class just get more and more pervy every year. Sometimes I accidentally picture me having sex with Clarence. It makes me blush so I have to hide my face so nobody sees. I've adapted to wear a turtleneck for that purpose.

Clarence told me there's someone he has a crush on, so I know I'm already out of the picture. He's been trying to get himself to fess up to them, but hasn't. He says he will definitely do it on Monday. I feel so bad. I can't get between him and his lady. He's finally going to become a normal person and I'm just going to have to deal with being different. Also heartbroken. I can't help but be upset over this- just a little.

I cried today in class, thinking about Clarence. Luckily I don't think he noticed. And I know Sumo didn't notice because he probably would've made fun of me. But of course if you asked him he'd say he's a perfectly polite person. Anyways, I'm upset that it's already the weekend. That means Monday is very close, and it can only get closer. I dread the coming of that day. I mean, I'm happy for Clarence. But I'm also sad for me. I'm upset that he's going to be taken. I need to find a way out of this.