Fallen Angel (ONESHOT)

                          I passed by a hundred times in front of you..... 

                                                Did you notice me?

My mother was one of the few rape victims .Because she survived I was unfortunately born, a daughter of a criminal and an illegitimate child.  

Sometimes I could hear her crying and trembling from the fear of me.Wishing if there's anything I could do to make her smile just this once. 

She couldn't bear to look at me.A living memory of the horrible nightmare.She didn't even recognize that she had a child.

Me,a baby stained with a sin never felt and given love or happiness.I was left to burden my grandparents.I was almost aborted because she always had a dream about killing me with her own bare hands but she changed her mind. 

Positive things/feelings were out of my reach.Whatever I do,it's always a failure.

I felt like a prisoner in my own family where you cannot paint or create an art outside the box,just obeying  and doing what you are told to do.My world became black and white.  

As I grew up,rumors spread some people felt sorry,as they just watched and let me fall and break down while most of them hated me like my grandparents. 

Right from the start I always knew I was an unwanted child by the way they stare at me like I'm a disgusting worthless piece of garbage and laugh or whisper behind my back.  

A few years later,my grandparents died in front of me so I was sent to an orphanage but all of them   wanted to "befriends" with me but they were all hiding behind a mask.Then some family adopted me though I quickly escaped because I was abused and my life is already a living hell. 

I searched for my mother hoping it would be okay,when I found her she had another family.I only watched her from a distance sometimes we would accidentally meet and play the pretend game because I will hate myself again if another fragile part of me is broken and missing. 

I remembered when I tried to commit suicide by jumping off the school building but someone stopped me,she stopped me my bestfriend, I almost cried for the first time I never felt happiness it was warm like the sun.At last, a window finally appeared and opened. 

But just like the sun it always sets and if you get too close you"ll burn,in everyone's eyes right next to her I was only a mere shadow.She didn't even believe me when I wasn't the one who spread her most embarrasing and deep dark secrets and sent her hate messages in facebook. 

She became mean and secretly bullied me and said that she never wanted to see me again,it was already too late when I found out that she used me. Again I was nothing but you can't use something that's already shattered into millions of pieces.

I was wrong again because that window was only just a reflection of the cruel world.I'm so blind I shouldn't have trusted her,why did I get my hopes up?

I really wanted to transfer schools but college is almost over so I didn't stood up and fought back instead I kept saying "I'm sorry" "It's my fault" because I would be proving that she was right about everything they said I was.  

I kept screaming and shouting  "Save me!!"   "I don't want to be alone!!"   "please find me!!"  in a dark empty space where a glass is the only thing that separates me from everyone else.I'm just here waiting for someone to listen.............Are you that someone? Will you please open a door and help me break free from my curse? 

Please just give me a reason why I deserved this kind of treatment?! or this kind of life?!. Is everything in my life just another mirror of a pasted false story?