Consume.

Vomitting. Its taken over my life. Fat. That's all I ever see on my body. I'm too fat. That's all anyone's ever told me. All through junior high, no one has let me forget. "Lardo", "tubby", "fatty", once someone even put a sign on my back saying "wide load" in big bold letters. It wasn't til 8th grade that I started, the vomitting. Of coarse I didn't really know what I was doing then. I didn't know how often I should've done it. But I learned right after I got caught.

It was over summer, right before 9th grade. I had lost 45 pounds in one month..My mom happened to notice my rapid weight loss. She found me in my bathroom, on the floor by my toilet, with vomit on my chin. I was passed out from hardly any food in my stomach. She freaked out and took me to the hospital. When I woke up later that day, the look on her face killed me. Disappointment. Its all I could see in her eyes. I had never felt so horrible about what I was doing to my body. I had never meant for my mom to be scared that I wouldn't wake up, or disappoint her. Let alone, have her find out. She was the last person I had wanted to disappoint.

"Why?" was all she had said to me. I didn't want to tell her.

I didn't answer for a good 3 minutes, before she said something else.

"Answer me goddamnit!" She's never yelled at me. The only time I ever heard her yell, was when she and my father were fighting.

"Mom, I-I.." I could form a coherent sentence. I didn't know what to say to her.

"You can speak, tell me why you're doing it!" She knew. She knew, and I had no other choice but to tell her. I never wanted her to find out, let alone find out this way. It was the worst way to find out that your kid has a problem. I still had no idea of what to say to her. Nothing would come out...so I cried.

I cried on her shoulder, completely let it all out.

"Aiden, sweetheart, why are you doing this to yourself? Your ruining your body." She said softly. "My body's always been ruined. Fat took over my body." I sobbed, I tried not to. But, I couldn't help it.

"What do you mean? You're not fat." She didn't understand. She couldn't understand, because she's been skinny her whole life. She never had weight problems.

"You don't see what I see. When I take off my shirt, all I see is flubber, mom. Fat took over my life, for the longest time. I'm not gonna let that happen. I wanna be able to take off my shirt when I'm swimming and not feel insecure and scare that someones going to look at my stomach and run. I'm 15 years old, I've never had a girlfriend. Girls aren't attracted to fat. They like muscle. When a girl hugs me, I don't want her to tell me I feel like a soft Teddy bear. I want to be able to flirt with my crush and not feel scared that she's gonna reject me because I'm fat. Its all I feel on my body, Mom! I just want it to go away." I yelled. I can't believe I yelled at my mother. I've never yelled at her. "Get on a diet, go to the gym if you're that unhappy about your body. I'll do this with you, you won't be alone. Promise." She was crying. I made my mother cry. Never have I made her cry. I have never felt worse about myself than I did at that moment.

That was 2 years ago.I did what she said, I went on a diet and went to the gym five days a week. And, like my mother promised, we did it together. She seen better results than I did.

While, she started to get some arm, leg, and stomach muscle. I didn't notice a change for me. The diet wasn't working, the working out wasn't working. The thing that worked for me was the vomitting. I was clean for those 2 years. Then, it slowly started again. I was still on the diet, I was still going to the gym, but I started vomitting regularly after I ate. Over the months, I slowly started getting weaker and weaker.

I was hospitalized again for my eating disorder. But this time it was worse on my mother. She took it harder than the first time.

~

hey everyone, I'm new to wattpad!

this is my first story, so feedback would be nice. (: I don't really know where I want this story to go, so if you have ideas..you could share them with me. (:

I really love writing, so give me some advice on how to make certain things better?

as of right now, I'll try to post at least once every week, only because I don't know how many people will read this. (:

anyways, sorry for such a long authors note.

Comment, Vote, Share. (: it'd be appreciated.

I love whoever reads this. (:

-Elizabeth. :3