tanted willow

Yelling!

"Shut the hell up! Your gonna do what I tell you your gonna do!" All I see is my mother on the floor crying, bleeding, needing help, needing me. "shhhhh ok ok I'll do it." " come on shyairre lets go honey" As I inch out from hiding behind the door my eyes witness what is called abuse. Seeing your mother get struck down right in front of you is scary. At first started to cry.Then Robert came towards me and said " SHUT THE FUCK UP! putting his hand into a striking position.He pushed my my mother down the stairs and said " Hurry up. But she didn't move she started to look for me but he told her that I would stay there with him. Mother made no scene she did as she was told and left into the night, never did she return until the next Wednesday. To this day I still don't know where she had gone, to leave for 6 days without calling or even to check up on me. what to I a 7 year old girl to do when a 30 year old man mess with me.my mother is still gone. As I sit in the closet praying for help, he enters the room. smells of beer and weed. "Shyairre come out where ever you are". he says creepily into the wind. I duck down and try to stay quite but I was so scared he heard my breathing.SLAM!!! the door is wide open he grabs my legs and pulls me on the bed.I scream " HELP! HELP! MOMMY! no one comes. As he rip clothes off I fight I kicked him. He fell strait to the ground. I was so close as I tried to jump over him he grabved my thigh and told me that I wasn't going anywhere. Robert closed the door. Next thing I know he's kissing me, his hand was so cold as it entered my body.I was very young but I knew write from wrong and what was happening was definitely wrong. I layed on my back, as he pulled my Dora The Explora panties off. Cold his hands were as they got inside of me.No one cojld help me, I was all alone. Robert took advantage of me and I couldnt do anything. For years it continues until the day of my 15 birthday. "Mom thanks for the amazing party" Amber my best friend ever couldn't make it sk my mom took her some of my birthday cake while I stayed home to clean. I've been throwing up a lot lately, I wonder? I webt into my moms room a got a pregnancy test from above the closet shelves. 5 minutes later "YES" I'm pregnant and its Robert's baby. I couldn't bring his baby in this world. I wouldn't bring his baby in to this world. So I must do it. I gonna have to kill it and in order for me to that I must kill myself. "Hey mom can I go to ambers house for an hour? " "sure hun just be back befor sunset ok?" ok mom. So its set. Befor I go mom! I hug her as tight as j can and simply say " I love you". " I love you to Shyairre" if only she knew that, that would be the last time she would ever see, smell, hear, or even touch me. I couldnt tell her that I was pregnant it wouldn't have changed anything. So I set out on my mission get rid of the problem.I have chosen the house he first raped me in to do it, the same room and everything. I wrote a letter explaining everything. I go into the closet and tie the rope to the bar as I standin the chair I put it around my neck. I want to leave this world with one peaceful thought. My last thought is of mother when she gave birth to me. My first memory of her.I close my eyes and kick the chair, off I go struggling, gasping for air until u stop moving.3 days later they find my body and learn of all Roberts doings.my mother devastated but yet in a way happy. To know that I am in a better place helps her more than anyone could ever do. She quit drugs and had another girl named her Sahadia. Roberts gone he's doing life in prison.Mother! Mother! I wish could say to her. She never open the letter I wrote her, she keeps it in her pocket at all times but never opens it.