How It All Changed (ON HOLD)

Chapter 5 - Instinct Override

I was sleeping as restfully as I could on the leaf strewn ground when I became aware of warmth at my back. Thinking it was the tree that I laid next to last night I tried to go back to sleep. I was just getting comfortable; snuggling closer to the tree when I thought that is was strange that a log would be that warm. Startled, I jumped up and looked at the tree, it was several feet away from me, and next to it was Wahya. He opened his eye a slit then went back to sleep, not even worried about my reaction.

What are you doing? I asked irritably.

Sleeping, what does it look like? He replied with his eyes still closed.

Yes, but why were you lying next to me? Besides I was next to the tree when I went to sleep.

You moved a lot in your sleep, trying to get warmer, I just thought I should do us both a favor and lay next to you. That way I didn’t have to listen to you moving around all night and you got warm. He explained tiredly, slowly rising to his paws and stretching his muscles. Now that you’re up I guess I will have to, too, since you apparently like to talk. Glaring at him for the snipe I decided to prove him wrong, and stayed quiet.

As he straightened he stared at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak. Just starting at him seemed to irritate him; he rolled his eyes and huffily approached me.

Sorry. I’ve had no one to talk to for a year, so I’m not use to it.

I tipped my head in acceptance to his apology and marched into the woods. It was quieter out here than it was yesterday; guess two wolves are scarier than one to the local inhabitants. I knew Wahya was following me, I could hear his more discreet gait behind me.

So I assumed yesterday that I was east of Salina, was I correct in thinking that?

Yes, Salina is where my last foster family lived. When I ran away I ran into these woods and never left. I slowed my pace and walked next to him. He stared at me out of the corner of his eye. As we continued onward side-by-side I angled myself southward. Both of us were quiet; I was trying to make my strides as near silent as his and he was just a quiet guy.

Just as I was getting the hang of my silent strides, Wahya decides he is going to mess me up. He took off at a run towards the trees ahead; I followed at a jog and was just getting to the trees when I hear a small squeak. I broke through the trees and saw Wahya kneeling over a dead rabbit. I stopped where I was, I know that wolf instinct is to protect a kill from another predator, and I had no idea how much instinct Wahya was running off of. I let him recognize me before I walked past him to a nearby stream.

I knelt down to get a drink when I heard him come over to me. I raised my head and before I had time to react I had a rabbit hanging in front of my nose.

Whoa, space please. Sorry to say this but I would rather wait until I can find something cooked if you don’t mind. He growled around the rabbit in his mouth, probably for my ungratefulness.

I thought that way at first, too. I soon got over it when I was so hungry I couldn’t control myself whenever a small animal crossed my path. We are hunters, we have to hunt. He said seriously. And don’t worry, we can’t get sick, ever hear that dogs have better immunity than humans? It is true. Now get over your sensibilities and eat the dang rabbit.

Thinking that I might as well get used to it, since it might be a while before I am human again, I took the rabbit from him and bit into the critter. The taste at first repulsed me, but that could have been my conscience telling me I shouldn’t be doing it. I mean how far will this go, later I’ll probably be killing for myself then I might be doing something that I will regret, like hurt someone. Unfortunately, my instincts were overriding my better judgment; I was hungry and as much as I’d hate to admit it the taste of blood was…thrilling, empowering, and I didn’t want to stop. Each bite was more exhilarating than the last, and each bite made my conscience diminish that much more.

A continuous hum took up residence in my head. I was about finished with the rabbit, hoping I could find more when this one was gone; when something out of the corner of my eye moved. Looking up I began to growl, there was another wolf coming nearer, wanting some of my rabbit. Acting on instinct, I stood over the kill and warned the wolf, in no polite way, that this was my kill. The wolf backed away with its tail down, displaying inferiority to my much bigger size.

The wolf continued to back away and didn’t keep eye contact for more than a couple of seconds at a time. Though, each time I met its eyes I got a since that it never intended harm. I started to get the feeling that I shouldn’t be threatening this wolf, but protecting it. As I started to follow my instinct to protect, I calmed down a little more. As if it knew that I was calming down, it met and held eye contact, which is when I recognized the wolf.

Identifying the wolf as Wahya, I felt no more need to follow the instinct to attack, or to feed on the rabbit. When the tension was released, the hum in my head became discernible words.

Jane, it is okay it is just me. I just wanted to warn you that your instincts would start to take over. I’m sorry; I should have told you before you began to feed. Jane, can you hear me? I’m really sorry, really really so-

Wahya. I interrupted. It’s fine, I’m fine, and you’re fine. You are just lucky that I didn’t attack you. Good thing I felt a need to protect you rather than kill you.

Protect? He said incredulously. I don’t need protection, I’ve been a wolf a lot longer than you if anybody needs protection it is you. You are too new as a wolf.

I was protecting you from myself. Something at the last minute stopped me; I think the only thing even close to that instinct would be a maternal one. That didn’t make since to me. I couldn’t have a maternal instinct; I wasn’t old enough, in my opinion, to have such an instinct. By the taken aback look in Wahya’s eyes he didn’t know what to think about such a revelation either.

Okay. I paused. Granted, that sounds weird, but I have heard that women have these reactions when their children are in danger.

Yeah, I’ve heard that too, but you are missing the key part of that statement. Their. Children. And as far as I’m concerned you are not my mother.

Goodness, no. Horrified by the thought alone I sat down hard. I am definitely not your mother. I’m not old enough for that.

Pacing in front of me, Wahya became quiet. After he had gone back and forth a couple of times, I noticed he kept looking at the rabbit every time he passed it.

Go ahead, eat it, I lost my appetite anyway. I could tell he wanted to refuse the meat; that he didn’t like to follow directions no matter how trivial. To not seem too eager to follow my directive, he wallowed on the ground, kicking up dirt. Curious, because of his procrastination technique, I tilted my head. Why did you choose to do that, and not some other crack brained idea to bide time?

Because, believe it or not this does feel good; I don’t know how but the dirt feels like it is cooling me off. He pointed out while still rolling around.

Just then a cacophonous yipping sound filled the air, as if a whole pack of puppies was running through the woods.

Crap, we have to go. Wahya blurted. He jumped up and took off away from the sound, leaving the left over carcass and me behind. 

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Oh and that is Wahya over there :) he is a beautiful wolf.