Bella Swan walked into class nervously. She tripped over approx. 345 times within the space of crossing the threshold. The teacher looked up expectantly.
"Yes?"
"I'm the new girl."
"Ah, Isabella."
"IT'S BELLA! WHY CAN NO-ONE GET IT RIGHT??! I HATE YOU!!"
"Ahem. Yes. Class, say hello to Bella!" The students completely ignored the teacher and went on throwing paper aeroplanes and smoking weed.
"Bella, dear," continued the teacher, "I'm afraid that you're late to class."
"SHUT UP YOU LOSER! YOU'RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH FOR ME TO CARE ABOUT! I HATE YOU!!"
"You can sit wherever you want, dear." Said the teacher, wiping a string of drool off Bella's chin. "Now, today we're going to be learning about..."
Bella looked around. There were empty chairs everywhere, and she started making her way towards one. Suddenly she saw a person sitting at the back of the classroom who made her heart burst out of her ear in joy (the teacher discreetly cleared away the blood). There was a boy sitting on the black row dressed like a ninja, all in black. He wore gloves, two scarves, sunglasses, a hat, and Bella couldn't see any of his skin. She was instantly in love.
She hurriedly made her way to the back of the class, ignoring or sticking her middle finger up at the friendly people who said "Hi!" or "I love you!" or "You're so special!"or "Why don't you sit here, Bella?"
I'm too perfect for them, she thought.
There were no spare seats on the back row, so she shoved a little blonde girl off her chair and took her place next to Nina Boy. The blonde girl immediately hugged Bella. "OMG I love you Bella!" The blonde girl fainted.
Bella eyed her with distaste.
"Eww. Lesbo."
She turned to the Ninja Boy. "Hi! I'm Bella Swan! I love you!"
"I'm Edward Cullen. I'm perfect in every way. I'm a vampire. I sparkle."
"Wow! That is so awesome! I love you!"
"Stay away from me. I'm dangerous. Also, you smell."
"Awww... but you sparkle!!!"
"I love you, Bella. I can't do this any more!"
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Marry me."
"OK! I've known you for three seconds and I want to spend eternity with you! MAKE ME A VAMPIRE!!!"
Pause.
"Why are you wearing all those clothes, Eddiekins?"
Edward sighed. "I can't reveal my skin because when I'm in the sunlight I spontaneously combust. Also, I have severe acne."
"Cool! I love you! Can I be a vampire too?"
"No."
"Please?"
"OK then. Come to my house at midnight."
"OK! Yay! Will I sparkle?"
*****
Bella made her way up the hill to Edward's house that night. She tripped up 1,459 times, broke one arm and both legs, and fainted twice.
She reached the Cullens' front door and spent several hours just staring at it in awe and wondering if it was sparkly, too. Maybe they could put glitter on it.
Finally, Bella knocked on the door. There was no answer, so she slowly opened it and skipped inside (despite the two broken legs).
"Hello? Hellooooo?"
"Bella."
Bella spun around, tripped up and gave herself a mild concussion. When she came to, she saw Edward standing over her.
"I love you, Edward!" She gasped, and then fainted again.
When she gained consciousness again, she managed to stay awake. "Edward? Will you make me a vampire now? CAN I BE SPARKLY NAO???!!!!11!!"
Edward didn't say anything. He just took off his sunglasses. Bella died of awe.
Edward then proceeded to eat her. With ketchup.
