My Hectic Life

My Childhood

My name is Noel and growing up I had an older brother named David. My father always treated him like gold and I was the outcast I guess you could call me. Just because my brother had and still has a little mental disability he recieved tons upon tons of attention.

You see i'm going to start off at about when I was one and my brother was two. My brother and I, we never remembered our mother because my father recieved custody of me and my brother when I was one and when my brother was two. My father always told me and my brother growing up that our mother didn't want my brother nor I.

For the longest time I hated and despised my mother, I always thought of her as a horrible mother that didn't deserve to ever see her children. When I was about six years old I went hunting with my father and I killed my first turkey and my first buck.

I'm not a city girl, i'm a country girl all the way and i'll never ever change. Growing up I was always and still am a tomboy. If your father beat you would you tell or would you keep that a secret so that way your father wouldn't get arrested?

Yes my father beat me from about four years old all the way up to I was twelve. When I was twelve my father shot and brutally murdered my step-mother with a revolver. For those of you who don't know about guns, this type of gun is a handgun. Most use this gun for gang killings or to just shoot at a target.

My step-mother was my only mother figure since I was three and a half years old up to the time she was brutally murdered. I loved my step-mother dearly, she was like my own mom. She taught me how to cook, how to clean, how to wash dishes, how to mow grass and how to do everything just about.

***********Flashback***********
"Sissy and bubby this is my new girlfriend Stephanie." My father said. I looked down at the ground and stayed silent. Stephanie looked at me and my brother David and said hi to us. She was as nice as can be. "Hi."I wispered really silently.
*******End of flashback*******

Ever since that day that I met her she was nice and very kind to me. If I was deathly sick she was the one taking me to the doctors, my father hardly ever took me.

She brought a smile on my face and she made me and my brother David laugh, she played games with us. That woman was like my own special guardian angel.

She protected me and my brother, not always from my father but when she could she did. My father was too busy fishing all the time and I was cooking, cleaning, doing the dishes, and helping water and feed our dogs.

I was the one to teach my brother to tie his shoes. Everything my brother knows how to do I taught him everything besides how to pee. I've been taking care of my brother since I was four years old.

After my dad murdered my step-mother for cheating on him with a black guy (my father was cheating on her also but my father was racist, I never had a problem with blacks or coloureds because on my mother's side we have african american kn the family), my brother and I were put into foster care and our childhood friends mom and dad adopted us.

My foster sister's name was Tiffany and my foster brother's name was Jamie. I never called Tiffany by her real name, I called her Tiff Tiff or Tipp Tipp and I never called Jamie by his real name either, I called him Bubbas or Bub.

My brother's nickname was Bubbers. My foster parents had me and my brother for almost a year and then my mother Sarah was getting visitations on satardays and then visitations for the whole entire weekend.

After about six months of visitations, my mother recieved custody of me and my brother, I was thirteen and my brother jus turned fifteen, I hadn't turned fourteen yet. My birthday is in December and my brother David's birthday is in October.

After everything I went through I thought that it couldn't get much worse but I was wrong. My mother met this guy Jeremy and after about three months of him living with us he started being violent. He was an alcoholic and he did drugs. Now i'm not one to judge anybody, but I hate drugs and I hate that people do them.

Every time Jeremy got drunk he started off at first, just yelling and getting into arguments with my mom. When I first met him he seemed nice but deep down my gut told me otherwise. When he hit my mom, I turned a blind eye to it.

I held my mother in my arms on so many dreadful nights as she cried in my helpless little arms. When it was my fourteenth birthday she atayed in her room all day with Jeremy.

To her Jeremy was more important then me and my two,brothers, David and Caleb. Caleb would cling onto me and cry for me to let him sleep with me.

I took care of Caleb and my other brother David. I cooked and cleaned for them while my mother was too busy screwing around and having sex with so many guys.

Both of my brothers looked up to me and I never could just give up on them. They were becoming my number one responsibility. I did my school work and helped my brother David with his.

How could someone just throw me back into a false motherhood and take care of my brothers? Thats what always went through my mind. Could my mother ever love me? The answer to that is no, no I don't think she could, ever.

I moved from my home town and my school. I was going to River Valley but then when my mother got me I started to go to Gallia Academy.

Jeremy started hitting on my mother, he left bruises and sometimes, scars. How could someone you love hurt you like that? My mother would ask me. I had no answer for her that would appease her.

I would tell her "Mother he doesn't love you, he loves the sexual attraction, mom your not in love with him. Your in love with what he gives in bed at night and that's it." That is all I knew how and what to tell her.

I love my mother as a person yes, but to love her ways, that my love will always be a no. I hope that people that are going through this wake up and realize you don't have to. You all have choices, it's up to you to choose what one that you want.

Everyone wants to know they're going to be alright. Everyone wants to know that someone cares. Nobody wants to do it on their own, everyone wants what they can't have. You can't give up, just keep pushing for what you desire the most.